oh the wait...

So it's 8:10 p.m. on December 29th.
If you would've asked me about dinner time yesterday, I might've been convinced I'd have a baby in my arms by now.
If you would've asked me at 4 a.m. this morning, I would've told you I would definitely have a baby in my arms by tonight.
If you would've spoken to me at 7 a.m. when my contractions had stopped and I was mad at the world, I might've bitten your head off.
If you would've asked me mid-day today, I probably would've said we'd at least be at the hospital by now.

But here I sit. At home. On my couch.
bah humbug.

(If you're male, you may want to skip this paragraph. You've been warned.)
My appointment yesterday proved that my body is indeed preparing for birth. I was over 2 cm. dilated and 50% effaced, (I was a fingertip the week prior), and my cervix had moved from posterior position to anterior, ready to drop this baby out. The doctor stripped my membranes and I went mall walking (also known as shopping to those not pregnant) and I had lots of cramping and spotting the remainder of the day. I woke up at 4 a.m. to contractions 5 minutes apart and dreaming of the little one that would soon be in my arms. I woke back up furious at 7:30 and incredibly uncomfortable from the UTI that suddenly is back attacking my insides. I laid miserable most of the day, unsure of what was pregnancy and what was uti, but keeping hope that it meant I'd soon be delivering. There were a few other things that can indicate that labor is imminent taking place, but I'll spare you the details. We just finished dinner at Bob Evans and the kids are in Cville with my in-laws... and here I sit, barely having contractions to speak of.

Boo and hiss. That's about all I've got to offer.
I don't mind the waiting so much as I mind the constantly thinking I'm in labor only for it to be nothing. My body  is doing things today that it's only done previously in labor, but regular contractions just aren't happening. I've been in too much pain to walk or bounce or anything else that may help because of the UTI (that seems to be moving yet again to my kidney). It would be as ideal as it could get for me to go into labor tonight, with the kids gone for the evening and everyone still off of work. But, well... I certainly won't be holding my breath.

Aren't I just overflowing with optimism tonight??!
:)

I hope the next time I post it will be to introduce our little one. 

Any guesses on boy or girl? Size? Arrival date?

Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!!

And I hope to be updating SOON!

follower

 I'd had my camera packed up, battery charged just waiting for the hospital for days now... and I couldn't take it any longer.

I followed my kiddos around all afternoon, camera in my hands.

Here you have Corban and Cate... being Corban and Cate.

:)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

Man, I love being a mama.

end

The end of pregnancy and myself have a long history of disagreeing with one another.
The first time around, my regular contractions started at 33 weeks, and ended with a miserable induction.
The second time around, ditto to the contractions, but with a better delivery story, even though it was still planned.
This time?
I've had a day or two with an hour of regular contractions, but now... now that the end is oh-so-near and my impatience growing by the second?
Nada. Zilch. Nothing.
Okay, fine... not really nothing. I'll have a contraction. One that stops me in my tracks,even. I'll glance at my watch to see the time, just in case this is the start of labor... and then twenty minutes later, still nothing, not another one in sight.

It's making me crazy.

You realize how much you enjoy control when you have absolutely none. Can I get an amen?

I want SO BADLY... more than you can ever imagine, to have that 'real' birth experience. I want the excitement of the spontaneity, the 'oh my gosh, it's finally time! we have to get to the hospital!' moment. I want to send text messages to our best friends saying 'we're on our way to the hospital to have the baby'.... not 'we'll be going in tomorrow morning for them to break my water.'
I know this baby will be born. And it'll even be soon! My due date is 12 days away. That's not that long, really. I know God has a time planned and ordained for this little one to make its appearance... I know these things.
But I also know that Christmas is on Saturday. And that my mother in law is off of work the next two weeks, and my mom and husband are off all of next week. If you want to talk about ideal timing, we're looking at it. Couldn't be more perfect, actually.
So........ seriously- I need to have this baby ASAP.
I'm trying really hard to not let myself be cranky and miserable. Busying our days, lots planned, tons of fun activities all week long. My front room is full of both gendered baby stuff, a brand new(!!) car seat, 4 brand new baby boy newborn outfits, 4 brand new baby girl outfits (thanks, Mom!!), camera bag packed and ready, hospital bag packed and ready, 'Big Brother' and 'Big Sister' shirts laid out for Corban and Cate. Everything is in place and ready to go.
It's now just 'hurry up and wait'...
and I'm just not very good at that.
So.. yes. 12 days 'til my due date.
Never have I gone early, and yet here I sit... anxiously waiting.
So ready to meet this little one.
Ho hum.
My little boy is now up from his nap... while my little girl still hasn't even fallen asleep. Time to go.

third

We've passed the half-way mark of December, Christmas just over a week away... which means... 

there's a baby coming soon.

I'm overwhelmed.

I'm thrilled, overjoyed, anxious... 

but the reality of it scares me to death.

Three. 

Three kiddos. The oldest- three and a half. The middle- nearly two and as strong willed and spirited as they come. If it were just the middle alone, my days could be hard... but now... there will be three to take care of.

Being this pregnant and having just two, the thought of most 'normal' activities exhausts me. It's so much work to tie all the shoes and find all the gloves and buckle all the straps and remember cups and blankies. 

And now... 

we add a third.

Will I really be able to do this?

I know.. I know it'll be fine. One day we'll work into a new normal and it'll seem as if this little one has always been here and I'll laugh at myself thinking it was hard with 'just' two.

But today- I'm overwhelmed by the thought.

Don't get me wrong. I'm SO ready to meet this little one, to see if my suspicion is correct, if this really is another little girl, to see who they look like and if they're a content little baby like their siblings were, to watch this little life melt our hearts and intertwine perfectly into our family, as if they've always been with us...

I can't wait for that. 

It'll be good. It'll be fine. I know it will.

I will survive...

Right?

Anyway. The two who are here are both out of their beds not napping, and the laundry isn't folding itself, either, so I've got some work to do.

:)

(I really am thrilled about this baby, I hope you hear me... Just the honest thoughts of a mom who feels scared and nervous and afraid that she'll never leave the walls of her house again. That's all.)

so they say...

  

"Hey Mom! I want the baby to pop out right now...

Well.... but maybe we could eat lunch first!"

and then shouts his sister from the seat in front of him,

 "Yeah, like pizza!"

 "Hey Mama, where my paci, you know?"

"I'm not sure, Cate, wherever you put it last."

"Um... I fink Baby Jesus took it."

(as she looks under the Christmas tree at our Fisher Price nativity scene.)

  Just in case you needed something to smile about today...

=)

a blanket for our baby!

After an almost 8 month shelving, I dusted off my sewing machine...

and I remembered how much I love to sew.

  

I know it looks a little masculine right now... gender neutral is SO hard- but I made the most perfect little fabric flower that I'll hand stitch onto the turquoise block if this baby is indeed a girl. :)

The top part is mostly seersucker, and the bottom is that amazingly soft 'minky' fabric. It's the perfect size and weight and feel and I love it.

Today's project (after finishing Christmas shopping that is): burp cloths.

I also purchased long sleeved white onesies and a fleece pram for this little one. Things are starting to feel ready!! I am getting SO excited!

Happy Friday!

teensy scare

My appointment yesterday left me a little worried.
As I've mentioned, I go for weekly Biophysical Profiles (BPP's) to monitor my baby. The last month, I've noticed in these ultrasounds that my fluid levels have dropped. They weren't alarmed- said it happens as the baby grows. Yesterday, however, there was only fluid in 2 of the 4 pockets that they have to measure... my number indicating that there's very little fluid there. My ultrasound tech, Colleen, left me on the table while she brought the doctor in. My stomach was in knots and my thoughts were many. Obviously- I was concerned about what this meant for the baby, but the reality of 'I'm having a baby and it could be any time!' hit hard.
The doctor thought that there was more fluid there than the numbers were indicating,thankfully, though it was definitely decreased in amount. They're bringing me back in a few days to remeasure. The encouraging thing is that the baby looks fantastic- it got an 8 out of 8 on it's BPP, and then they checked a few extra things after realizing the low fluid, and everything looked perfect, as good as could be.
I hesitated on whether to even mention all of this... but I'd really appreciate it if you guys could just pray... Pray for wisdom for the doctors and for us, and that the baby would continue to look so good.
An amazing little tidbit- Colleen (the ultrasound tech) told me yesterday, before the fluid stuff, that it was amazing that I was there almost 37 weeks pregnant... because my blood clot at the beginning was the largest that she's seen. God has kept and protected this baby despite tremendous odds being against it. I'm resting in knowing that. :)
Now, today... I'm in cleaning mode. And then sewing mode. I've got to get things ready. Pressure is on. Wish me luck (and energy to do so!) :)

potty training/when the boys are away...

It was a big day in our house...

The last few days, Cate has been vetoing diapers. No, seriously. Won't keep them on. Cries when I put them on her, sneaks them off every time I turn around. This would be a problem, except... well, the girl WILL go potty on the potty.

Time to potty train, huh?

So today, instead of fighting her, I just put her in her panties from the moment she was up. 

And for three hours, she stayed dry. 

I took her potty twice and she went, and the third time, she took herself. As in, went into the bathroom, climbed on her little potty, came out yelling, "Yay, Cate! I potty!", and sure enough, she had.

I put her in a diaper to run errands and then for a nap. 

After nap (which she apparently removed the diaper before falling asleep, thus drenching all blankets in crib), I put her back in undies and she pretty quickly had an accident. I figured the morning was a fluke, so I just threw on a diaper and was calling it a day. (Reminder: kidney infection, 9 months pregnant)

Twenty minutes later, she tells me in a panic that she 'needs to potty on duh potty', so I tell her to go. She runs (literally) there, takes off her diaper and comes out hollering that she 'poot!'. Sure enough, she had. I put her back in panties, and lo and behold she stays dry and takes herself until going to bed at 8 p.m.

And I didn't take any pain medicine today, so this is reality, I'm not hallucinating.(that's a joke, btw. I mean, I didn't take pain medicine, but I wasn't taking anything strong enough to make me hallucinate).

Way to go, Baby Girl!!! I'm crossing my fingers that this is a trend that continues and maybe just maybe I'll have a potty trained not-even-2 year old before baby mcg #3 makes its appearance. Woooooo!!!

----------------

So... last week was chaos and the weekend was chaos and Jordan was gone a ton. We're majorly seeing it in Corban's behavior and he's desperately wanting Daddy (and Daddy is missing his fam, too!). Jordan had a meeting to plan a winter backpacking trip tonight and decided to tote Corban along. I decided Cate and I would soak up our girl time and celebrate her amazing day by making her first ever batch of cookies. She loved it. And I loved it. And I took lots of pictures, so here ya go:

 

 and after making cookies, we started 'washing dishes'...

 

 that is... until Cate decided dumping water was more fun. So then we learned how to clean the floor:

  

Finally, the cookies were done:

 

and then, my sweet baby Cate was ready for bed. 

 There's something so precious about having a daughter...

something- lots of somethings- so precious about our daughter.

I love so much who she is becoming- that fiery, sweet, tender, wild little personality she has.

I can't believe she's just weeks, maybe days away from being a big sister. I want to soak up the time we have left with her as our baby. 

Oh Cate Taylor... so sweet to be your Mama.

----

Off to really  wash dishes now.

:)

ouch!

alternately entitled:

third trimester kidney infections stink.

My day = miserable.

I was up every couple of hours for the third night in a row due to what appeared to be a UTI... I used to get them fairly regularly and could just flush 'em out with lots of liquid.

Not the case this time.

4 a.m. rolled around with a miserable pain and I was up for the day from then on.

I anxiously awaited 8 a.m. so I could call my doctor. They told me to come in, and quickly diagnosed me with a 'major infection'. I was sent over to get a kidney ultrasound to rule out stones and some other condition with a long name, and sent home with an antibiotic and a pill that's supposed to numb my insides.

Long story short, nothing did anything to alleviate any of my pain. I was just laying in my bed, just crying a good portion of the afternoon. Finally, I called the doctor back and we ended up deciding on some pain medicine. I laid in bed (still) for the next several hours, and then came and laid down on the floor and read books with my little boy. The pain medicine seemed to take the edge off, at least, and I'm really really glad for that. I don't know if I'd ever been in such lasting pain. 'Twas not fun.

Jacob, our housemate, was a lifesaver today. He watched the kids for me while I went to the doctor and then watched a movie with Corban after his nap while I tried to sleep myself. AND- he just went and got us all milkshakes. I don't know which of those three things I'm most thankful for... but this strawberry shake tastes a little like heaven must. :)

Lastly... my husband is playing video games and singing, "My name is Kimbo Slice and you all fear me." 

That's right, folks.

Always a reason to laugh over here. Even when it makes you feel like there's a knife being stuck into your right side when you do. Wouldn't want it any other way. :)

weekend review: picture post!

 We had TWO date nights this weekend. It was fantastic. :)

 Also- in case you have missed my last 900 posts, I'm now 36 weeks (and a few days) pregnant (and in serious need of windex, apparently):

 It snowed!
Cate did not like it...

 and Corban didn't want to come inside.

 We had our youth group Christmas dinner tonight at Logan's Roadhouse. 

These are my girls Maddie and Kristen. :)

 and this is my crazy husband. (I was playing with my new flash. I have LOTS to learn).

 and these are some of our BFF's, Brandon and Wendi.
They're wonderful.
And they are moving to St. Kitts.
And I don't even like to think about that...
But you should read their blog and pray for them as they leave in 8 short weeks!!

Let's be honest here.... 

You just don't love pictures of yourself when you're nearly 9 months pregnant (and up 30 lbs in weight).

But I do have beautiful friends, and one darn good looking husband.

I got my new camera battery charger and my new flash and it has felt so good to have my camera back in my hands. Weird how much I missed it with not having it for just one week. I really really really do love taking pictures.

Speaking of which- I had one of my all-time favorite sessions this weekend, too. A beautiful family (who are wonderful friends) in the snow... it was dreamy. I will definitely be posting some of those pictures here this week, too.

We're in full-swing holiday mode and the days are flying past with the busyness. I'll have a baby in my arms before I know it! We have our women's Christmas tea at church tomorrow night and I have a Girl's Night Out with my 'mommy group' friends Thursday night, and then a family Christmas on Saturday. Pretty much looks that way until Christmas! Whoa!

...and on that note, it's time for me to sleep...

or at least try.

Adios!

another

After thinking about Corban and Cate... all they are in our lives, all they've added to our lives, 

 

how much fun it is watching them play together now, how much I love who each of them are, how I can't even imagine just one being here and not the other...

 I'm reminded again of God's perfect timing, His sovereignty.

and I'm blown away thinking that we get to do it again.

Another blessing, another miracle, another demonstration of God's goodness to us...

Another piece added to our family...

Another little one who will soon make it impossible to think that we ever lived without them, that our family was just four instead of five.

----

I can't wait to drink in that sweet newborn smell, to kiss those chubby little cheeks, inspect every little finger and tiny toe. In my ultrasound today, you could see their little mouth, shaped just like their big brothers- and my heart was overwhelmed, anxious and excited, so in love with this baby growing inside of me.

So unplanned and unexpected, but oh-so-wanted and loved. 

I can't wait to meet this baby, to finally know who it is who loves their hands in front of their face, feet in my right side, who hiccups every night as I fall asleep. I can't wait to show them to Corban and Cate, to watch them love their new sibling. I can't wait to see Corban play the big brother- again- but now as a big kid instead of a baby himself. I am so looking forward to seeing Cate love and nurture- the same way she does her baby dolls and teddy bears. 

So much anticipation... so much joy... so much to be thankful for.

"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good..." 

(psalm 136:1)

well well well

I fell off the wagon. 

Twenty two days of thirty isn't too shabby for an inconsistent blogger like myself, though, right??

I wish I could find my camera battery charger so that I could upload pictures from our fantastic long weekend... but alas, it's missing for the moment. Regardless- it was one of the more relaxing holidays, it seemed, and for that I'm really thankful.

We spent lots of time with family. We pretty well split the time between my parents and Jordan's, and it was wonderful.

We ate a lot of delicious food and played a lot of games. I love times like that. A lot.

:)

I went Black Friday shopping and walked for the majority 10ish hours.

I didn't get spectacular deals and found myself mostly frustrated by the chaos in the early morning. Toys R Us was in complete disarray and out of everything I wanted and I was none too pleased.

My mood brightened after a chocolate chip bagel and hazelnut coffee from Panera, though. I have around 5 or so gifts left to buy... but if you remember my previous post, that's a whole lot less than 2 million, so I can't complain.

:)

My baby dropped. Like, noticeably, inches lower dropped. Weird. I don't remember it ever being so obvious before. I've found myself getting my hopes up that this one will arrive sooner than later... and then I read my blog from this point in pregnancy with Cate. It appears that I thought the same thing for the same reasons with my baby girl who didn't arrive a moment sooner than her due date. 

Crud.

I will say, though, that the contractions aren't near as constant as they were my other two pregnancies. This makes life much more enjoyable. I am more tired than I've ever been in my whole life, though.

Also, by golly, I am crossing things off my to-do list like crazy. 

Today we pulled out the Christmas decor and baby clothes. I sorted through three totes and have four piles to wash tomorrow- burp cloths and blankies, newborn sized baby girl clothes (oh, and are they ever precious!), newborn sized baby boy clothes (which I refuse to believe ever fit my 3.5 year old little boy), and a stack of white onesies and gender neutral gowns and sleepers. 

I've got to admit that I laid awake in bed for way too long last night worrying about those darn clothes and couldn't get them out of the attic fast enough today.

I'm down to my final two photo sessions as far as editing goes- and they're both started and will be finished before weeks end.

I scrubbed the tub and toilets and have conquered lots (and lots) of laundry.

I got groceries with two rambunctious toddlers, and that alone is worthy of some sort of award. Ha- joking, but it was none too fun this evening, as neither were interested in being stuck in a cart. 

OH! AND! We now have a working furnace.

PTL!!!

Alright. I must sleep. Pictures to come if I ever find my charger (which will probably keep me awake tonight...)

ummm...

Guys!

I'm suddenly 5 weeks away from my due date.

In those 5 weeks, we have Thanksgiving and Christmas, along with hundreds of little get-togethers and parties to attend. (Okay, maybe not hundreds...). I also have something like 2 million people to buy gifts for (not complaining- I LOVE buying presents. Like, love love love. And there might be a few less than 2 million). Let's not even discuss the monstrosity of a list I have going on home projects that need completed...

And then there is this possibility that the baby could come early. Like before Christmas is over. 

(insert major panic face here)

I need to go Christmas shopping. Right now. And mop the floors and fold the laundry and decorate for Christmas and dust the baseboards and scrub the floor and vacuum and buy a car seat and clean my room.

Oh.

My.

Word.

How did I suddenly become this pregnant? Why didn't I realize before that January 1st is only days after December 25th? Why didn't I start Christmas shopping in August? 

And tell me- why oh why did I think getting rid of 3 closets was a good idea? 

My house has never recovered from that transition. 

And I'm afraid that it never will.

I suddenly have this burst of energy... I want to do it all... like five minutes ago. I made a pretty good dent on my room (which bares the brunt of the closet transition) and have quite a goodwill pile going. I also have stacks of maternity clothes to pack away and piles of jeans that I so look forward to wearing in the near future. (darkwash skinny jeans... you've been missed. We'll meet again soon- I hope.)

I scrubbed toilets and counters and then laid on the couch and rested. And by rested, I mean scoured websites for baby names (zilch, zip, nada), but that's another post for another day.

And now... I must Christmas shop. 

Just waiting on my little girl to wake up from her nap, or Jordan to text back and say that he'd really love to go shopping with me tonight, so I'm not toting the kids around by myself. (ha... hahah...) It'd be amazingly amazing if I could be mostly done by the end of Black Friday. A lofty goal, yes, but feasible.

Annnnnnnnyway.

All of this to say- I'm really stinking pregnant.

And I want need some coffee.

And I hope to find some killer pre-Thanksgiving sales down at the outdoor mall.

=)

day 22

So I may have missed a few in there somewhere... oh well. :)

Today I'm thankful for the few quiet moments I got Saturday morning... 

solitude... 

peacefulness... 

time to sit and think and pray and wait. 

This end of pregnancy-ness overtaking me doesn't allow for much sleep, so when I woke hours before our planned wake up time on our 'retreat', I just went and sat outside by myself...

and it was perfect.

Quiet.

Relaxing.

Refreshing.

It's good to do... especially in the midst of all this busyness.. to have the time, make the time to just be still.

The warmer-than-normal fall morning combined with the pristine lake water and perfect, still fog only added to my time.

It was good to sit and pray for my marriage, for my role as wife, for our ministry, our unity, our role as parents. It was good to pray for my friends' marriages. To just talk to the Lord. and then to sit. And be still. Wait.

Over and over and over again Jordan and I have been hearing the same message: Be people of prayer. Be people who pray. People who wait. Make the time, carve out the time, do it however you can... but be people of prayer.

And so I sat. And prayed. And waited.

And it was good. 

So so good.

Be still and know that I am God;

I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!

(psalm 46:10)

I'm thankful for a lot involving this weekend, but being thrown back into a busy Monday made me so grateful for those few alone.. really alone.. moments I got, that sweet time I was able to have.

(Also in case you're wondering- these pictures were all taken with my new 35mm lens, and were not edited or modified in anyway. Those first few weren't converted to black and white- just the lack of color of the leaf-less trees combined with the thick fog.. and the way I took the picture.)

day 16 (17 and 18)

I am so thankful and SO stinkin excited to be finishing up my packing for the next few days.
First, we're going to Cville to my parents house... where my Grandma and Papaw from Mississippi will also be!!!!! I am so excited to see them and for them to see our kiddos, too. We last saw them in the beginning of May, so Corban and Cate have changed so much since last seeing them.
Then tomorrow, I'm dropping the kids off early afternoon with my in-laws and heading back up to Indy to prepare a meal and snack and to pack for myself and Jordan. We're heading down to a big cabin in Brown County with three other couples (who are all close friends) for a little mini marriage retreat. We've got lots of food and games planned, plus the viewing of the Bob Coy Marriage series sermons. I am soooooooooooo excited about it- majorly bummed that I'll be playing the single girl most of Friday, as Jordan won't be joining us until late Friday night (he's at a youth conference), but what can you do? Like I said, these are all close friends we'll be with, so it won't be uncomfortable or anything. I have to admit that I'm not sad at all to hear that the hot tub is broken-- since I would be sitting by myself while everyone else enjoyed- hahah!
Saturday evening we'll head back and pick up the kids and go to my parents house to celebrate my big brother's 30TH birthday! Whoa. :) JD and I had teased him for years that he was 'almost 30'... and, well, now he will be! Happy birthday, Brandon!! So glad you guys are back home in indiana... Cant wait to celebrate this weekend. :) Looking forward to the time with everyone, too! And then Sunday, we have our extended family Thanksgiving.
Lots of fun and exciting things! I hope I can keep up, as my energy is in the negatives these days (not to mention a baby who appears to have dropped and makes walking or moving quite uncomfortable). So with that- I won't be posting again until after the weekend. Hope you have a fantastic weekend!!

thankful for Caters... day 15

 

Short, sweet and picture heavy tonight- but I'm so thankful for my little girl- and the good checkup we had at the cardiologist today. I had more fear going into this appointment than ever before- but nothing has changed. She's either asymptomatic or the medicine is doing its job, but either way, there were no episodes recorded by her implanted device that indicate any need for change from what we're already doing. 

PRAISE THE LORD!

I'll spare you the medical details for now, but it's a tremendous relief for this Mama's heart that Cate's heart is just beating like it should.

I love this little girl more than words could ever say. I love how she becomes more and more of her own person every minute- that she's got her own sense of style and her own determined mind. I have a strong suspicion that she will not be a crowd follower... and I love her for that. :) She's my girl, my sweet baby girl, and I am so so so thankful for her.

 

And just to be fair- I love this little guy more than words could ever say, too, but that's another post for another day. :)