Wednesday, June 30, 2010


So backing up a little bit...
Around the 20something'th of April, I began to feel a little off. You know- tired, hungry, hating food, tired... and I knew. I was sure  of it, actually, but tried to convince myself otherwise. It was impossible, after all! After stewing over it for days and becoming more positive with each one that passed, I told Jordan I was going to go for a run on the track, but instead drove to CVS to buy a test. I took it there in the restroom and got a big, bright + immediately. Suspicions confirmed. I was overwhelmed with emotions... I drove to the track and walked and prayed, praising God for the surprise He'd given us, asking for His protection, to prepare me, to prepare us for what was to come.
I went home and cooked dinner as though nothing had happened. I put the kids to bed, saw Jordan off for Bible study. I cleaned the kitchen, went about my normal evening- debating on whether or not I was ready to tell Jordan. I knew he would be thrilled- but I wanted to make sure my heart was in line with that as well. I decided it was, I was okay with this, would be excited soon, and that I just couldn't keep it to myself. I made a little card that said something about being a 'party of 5!' and enclosed the pregnancy test.
It took him a minute to grasp what was happening, and then he was, as I anticipated, thrilled. I swore him to secrecy and that was that. All was fine and well for about... ten days.
One day, I woke up in the morning and I felt great- not a normal thing for me while pregnant at all. It scared me... enough for me to tell Jordan that I thought something was off. The next day we flew to Texas. We got off the airplane and I made a quick trip to the restroom, only to discover a frightening amount of bright red blood. This continued for the next two days, and I thought the pregnancy was done for, but all of a sudden, it just stopped. I had no idea what was going on.
We got home from Texas and I got in that very same day to my maternal/fetal medicine doctor. At this point, I had known for over two weeks that I was pregnant. The ultrasound was alarming. There was a heartbeat, but it was slow- less than 120 bpm. The baby was measuring much smaller than I had anticipated... 5 weeks something- too small for the amount of time that we had known I was pregnant. The most alarming thing, though, was the blood clot that was nearly three times that of the gestational sac glaringly obvious in my uterus. I was essentially prepared for a miscarriage, told to go home and wait, told what to expect from my body if it were to lose the baby. I was shocked and heartbroken. You see- everything had changed when I heard that heartbeat... This was my baby, my child, just like Corban was and just like Cate was. We scheduled another ultrasound for one week later, but I had little hope that it would be necessary.
That appointment was on a Tuesday. On Saturday night, we had a concert at church and a husband-wife team from a band came to stay the night with us. We hit it off with them and got lost in conversation. Next thing you know, it's 2 a.m. and I'm getting really really tired. As I'm lounging on the couch next to my husband, I hear a faint 'beep beep beep beep' noise. It was not the familiar ding of our watches on the hour. It wasn't a cell phone. It was so quiet you could almost miss it... and it was coming from inside my chest. My defibrillator, which I had just had checked a month prior, was beeping- which only indicates a few things- most of which mean surgery.
Insert sheer panic.
I go in on Monday to find out what in the world is going on with the equipment that is inside of me to keep me alive... which it has done!, in case you're wondering. Come to find out, I got shocked in the middle of the night while sleeping last April... Anyway, long story short, my battery is dying. Surgery will be necessary, and they want it done in the next 4-6 weeks. I don't even mention the pregnancy because I am sure it will be a non-issue by then anyway. I was just waiting on my body to fail... I had made the mistake of google-ing the condition I had, and there were a lot of stories with unhappy endings. So I kept quiet.
Two days later I go for my second ultrasound. Suddenly, there's a baby that's measuring a day ahead of what I thought and with a heartrate in the 140's... looking perfect and exactly as it should. Unfortunately, the clot had grown along with it. I actually saw my doctor this time, and what he had to say was very serious. He told me that if I were his wife and I were serious about this pregnancy lasting, he would have me on complete bedrest. He said a lot of other things, too, but I was now very scared. Though the baby looked great, the clot could cause my water to break...
In case you forgot- I have a 3 year old and 1.5 year old and a house and husband in full-time ministry. Overwhelmed would be an appropriate word to use. We scheduled the following weeks ultrasound and I cried my whole drive home.
I did the best I could with the bed rest. It was far from complete, but I stopped all my exercising (NOT easy!), rested while the kids slept, spent a lot of time on the couch with my feet up. I put household chores on hold, but then would have days where it was making my crazy and I would do too much. We told very few people that this was going on- I wasn't ready to talk about it, I didn't want people worrying. We told our closest friends and parents and siblings, and just wanted them to be praying. We continued the weekly ultrasounds where we saw the clot slowly shrinking. At 10 weeks, the doctor was pleased with the progress being made and let me go 2 weeks before coming back. At my 12 week ultrasounds, there was NO visible bleeding in my uterus, baby still measuring a day ahead (making me due January 1st!), and the doctor lifted my restrictions and gave me the go ahead to have surgery.
We are praising Jesus for protecting our developing baby and healing the complications. And to top it all off- I've hardly been sick at all! I really feel very, very good.
I have my pre-op appointment on July 19th and will have surgery shortly thereafter- no date scheduled yet.
We WON'T be finding out the gender this time, and do NOT want to do another C name. I've thought from the beginning that this was a boy... but I was wrong with both my guesses on Corban and Cate. So we'll see. :) Corban keeps saying it's a 'stister'. I'm 14 weeks today, and am amazed at how quickly the belly pops out the third time around. =)
I don't know... God has a plan for this baby, you know? It was unplanned by us, but clearly ordained by Him. Despite the numerous bumps in the road, He's protected our baby and I know (well, all children ARE), but this is truly a gift from God. And I'm really thankful.
That pretty much catches you up on the craziness of the last few months. Lots of things going on that I'm anxious to get to and talk about, but we'll take it one thing at a time.

Happy Wednesday!

Friday, June 18, 2010


alternatively entitled:

this expanding abdomen is due to much more than chicken nuggets...

 Baby McG #3 is on it's way.
It definitely came as a surprise to us, but we are thrilled... There's nothing greater on this earth than to be a Mama.
It's been a rough, scary road, but as of Wednesday, at my 12 week (and 6th!) ultrasound, everything looked  normal, all complications have resolved themselves, and the baby looked perfect. I am now being seen as a normal OB patient, and I am most certainly praising God for the life created and growing inside of me.
How's that for a Friday announcement?!
Happy weekend! We're off to SWIM!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010


I've started this post a hundred times over, only to erase and restart. None of the words coming are what I really want to say... Eight and a half months out, there are days when the grief still weighs so heavily... but I don't want to go there right now, I don't. So instead, I thought I'd focus on a few of the many things about today that I have to be thankful for:
-a coffee date (at my favorite establishment, nonetheless!) with a dear friend and only her baby girl and my baby girl. a friend that I can confide in, share my heart with.
-Vacation Bible School. Not to sound like an unloving Mama... but having time with just Caters from 9-12 everyday has been really refreshing.
-Talking to Corban about his memory verse from today, "I am wonderfully made" (from psalm 139). I asked why he was wonderfully made and he said it was because God made him. He giggled as he repeated the verse back to me... Moments I wish I could bottle up and keep.
-Corban pretending to be Daddy, telling me about riding his mountain bike at camp at work.
-A husband who cooked dinner and finally turned on the air condition.
-kicking Jordan's rear in Dutch Blitz. If you don't play this game, you should. It's a vonderful goot time!
-the sun still shining as it set, even though it was pouring down rain (and even though I still didn't see a rainbow).
-Psalm 139 (go read it! outloud! it's powerful!)
 - these lyrics: In sun and rain, joy and pain, You're the same. You never let go.
and the truth behind them.
-Air condition. Oh wait, did I mention that already?

Okay, Jordan's done climbing, and truthfully- I feel better.
Happy Tuesday!

Sunday, June 13, 2010

curls and dirt

Seriously... isn't she sweet?
I still can't get over those curls! The one benefit of this crazy humidity indiana offers us, I suppose. =)
It was worth the wait. 
All you moms with bald babies, just hold on. There's hope for you yet. 
It was a really really really wonderful weekend.
I'm excited about a lot of things.
Refreshed, encouraged.
And my baby boy is attending his first ever, half-day away without mommy, Vacation Bible School.
What's a mom do with JUST a 17 month old?
I'll update you in a few days, I suppose. :)
I'm worn out. It's time for bed. Adios!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

a long day

So it goes that life is busy and the blog is neglected.
Seems to be the song I sing when the weathers warm!
I wish I had something exciting to write tonight, but mostly- I'm writing just to write.
Today was mostly not a good day. I battled with that little boy of mine from the moment he woke up. Parenting him required much more effort than the energy I had, and his will proved to be much much stronger most of the day. I'll spare you the details, but it was a long, long, long, long day- and man, was I one defeated-feeling Mama.
Okay, fine, maybe I won't spare you all the details.
If you follow me on twitter, you probably saw that I fell asleep downstairs on the couch while the kids were napping. (I'm not joking when I say that Corban absolutely exhausted me today.) Anyway, I had a nice little midday slumber and awoke to the little feet of an undie-clad, chocolate-breathed little boy. I opened my eyes only to find him covered in nail polish... toes painted, belly painted, even undies painted! I went upstairs to find that he'd not only eaten my peanut M&M's, but painted himself, his comforter, his mattress and his walls. And then finished the deal by PEEING in the cubby on the side of his desk.
It seems comical now, at least. It's easy to forget (well, maybe forgive is a better word) moments like those when you're tucking him in and he snuggles his 'sponge bob' (blanket, that is- it was JD's, which Corban takes with him most places and sleeps with every night), whispers "I wuv you" and "Sweet dreams" while giving you a 'huggy', as he says. I do love that little boy more than words could say, and I want to show him that- even when I'm frustrated beyond belief.
This parenting thing... it's hard work! =)
In other news...
I'm going to take some time the next few days to get my photography blog and email address up and running. I have several inquiries wanting to get dates on the calendar for the next month and I have GOT to get things organized. I am more excited than you could possibly know, though, at the prospects, just thrilled that things are happening like they are. Giddy may be a better word. :) Sort of like a dream coming true... you know?
I've got a lot to say about it, and one day will... but for tonight, my bed is calling my name.
Maybe it won't take me ten days to update next time. I've got ALL kinds of pictures to post, at least. Anyway, off to bed. Goodnight!