Monday, July 29, 2013

home from our soon-to-be home

It's been quiet in this little space since two huge, life-altering announcements, and I think I'm ready to really talk now.
It's been a whirlwind on all fronts and my emotions have been many. We just returned home from 13 days in St. Kitts-- our last youth mission trip, our first to the island knowing it's our soon-to-be home. We listed our house while we were gone, had six showings while we were gone. We got home at 11:30pm Saturday night and threw a birthday party for Corban on Sunday. We slept in this morning and then spent a glorious few hours creek stomping with some dear friends and I feel like I'm finally beginning to let go of that breath I've been holding for months now, finally beginning to process all of this that is our life.

I'd like to pretend that I've got only excitement and am running full steam ahead with anticipation for what is to come, but that isn't the reality. Being in St. Kitts was a huge reality check: this is going to be hard. Oh, it'll be sweet and good, I am sure of that, but it is not going to be easy. As we exited the plane and breathed in the humid air, I fought tears-- not even knowing what I was feeling. I don't know if I've ever felt more colliding emotions at once. We walked through the days and the trip was really sweet, but I saw it all through a different lens this time: this is my new home.

It was good to be there and be with the Grayson's and get a glimpse of the ministries we will be a part of and see how and where we may fit in. There's definitely an excitement to plug in and get to work. But there's going to be a season of adjustment... To a new place, a new culture, to being away from our families and all that we currently know as comfortable and familiar. I was so thankful to be able to sit in the evenings before bed and talk it out with Jordan- for him to let me process and laugh and cry and then to sit and pray. This new season of stepping out is doing sweet, sweet things for our marriage and I am so thankful to be walking through it with Jordan by my side. I can't wait to get down there with our kiddos-- to watch them see the island for the first time, to play pick up soccer, to watch the little girls grab Cate's light brown curls and for her to be equally enthralled with their beaded braids. They talk about tasting fresh mangos and snorkeling and exploring and it is going to be so sweet to see the island through their eyes, you know? I am looking forward to a new start, for a season of 'new', even in the midst of the hard, to learn and grow together. It will be so good to be doing ministry with Brandon and Wendi again-- just the simple likemindedness is so sweet, to have hearts united and the same vision and burden and I really look forward to us all being a team again. I have no doubt that the Lord has big plans for this tiny island... and I really AM excited to be a part of whatever He has in store. 
It's just a lot to take in, how new and different it all will really be. Currency conversions, a language that is the same but sounds so different, homeschooling, new foods, driving, etc. etc. etc. Little things, certainly, but still different. And the biggest, hardest... just being away. I know that in this the Lord will stretch us and grow us and there will be a sweetness to relationships despite the distance, perhaps even BECAUSE of the distance, but all these things have me doing a whole lot of processing. 

So from here, things get really real. The mission trip was my far-off point that was my marker for time remaining. After the trip comes 'buckle down and get serious' time, and well, that time is here. I think that's why I've been such a mess of emotions-- it's just all becoming very very real. We would LOVE for you to be praying for us... for our house to sell, for our time remaining with the youth, for our kids and families as we prepare for the move, for prayer team and support raising, for the little baby growing inside of me, for all the little details between here and there. It is very easy for me to become overwhelmed by 'all the things' but we are praying to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus, to walk rightly in the midst of it all, that our focus wouldn't be on our circumstances-- we would definitely love for you to join in with us.

On that note, I'm sorry for saying 'sweet' nine million times and being too brain dead to come up with a different adjective. :) I'm off to enjoy getting groceries at Super Target while I still can, then put groceries away in our house while it's still our home. All of the normal daily things feel a little different now, knowing that the time left doing them is limited. I hope to be doing more writing now that our busyness is shifting and we begin to transition to all of the 'new'. Have a great day!