Monday, November 24, 2008

It's been a hard day. Emotional for me, at least. We made it through the majority of first round of chemo pretty smoothly, pretty normal, really. We played a game of scrabble, Jordan and JD made up songs, made up games, laughed about cheemo, as they were calling it. But there were some intense moments of reality- and I wasn't and am not ready for that.
This isn't going to be an easy road. Superman couldn't breeze through treatments like that, I don't think. I'm so thankful that we were able to be there to distract JD most of the day, as it has the potential to make for a long, boring afternoon... with 5 hours stuck to an IV pole. But I'm afraid. Afraid of a lot of things, quite honestly, but I'm really worried about this being hard for JD. Towards the end of the afternoon you could see it... you knew JD wasn't feeling himself. Feeling 'blah' was the term we agreed on. Unsettled stomach, cold, etc. I can't imagine feeling sick before it was even over, potentially feeling bad for a few days, and knowing that you had to do it every other week. It'd be more than a little disheartening. I hope he can continue to keep his head up like he has through 5 surgeries and 6.5 weeks of radiation. Just one more thing to be praying for.

The ride home was when I let my mind get the best of me. No need for details, but I eventually pulled myself together, and came to a very real realization:

I am really thankful for laughter.

Now that might seem like a wierd conclusion to draw at a time like this, but if you've ever met my family, my little brother, or my husband you know that sense of humor and laughter are core to their being. Take that away, and well, they'd be someone else. We sat in the lobby of the Peyton Manning's Childen's Center for Cancer and Blood Diseases and cracked up for hours. Seriously. And then we moved back to the area where the chemo recipients usually go, and laughed back there. My little brother is a riot. Even in the midst of all of this mess, he's made joke after joke after joke. Sure, maybe it's part defense mechanism, but JD is a hilarious guy. And my husband too. And then you put them together... and you have half-hour of "Cheemo sucks and gives me gas" sung over and over... in the lobby, mind you!
Anyway, my point being... the ability of my loved ones to maintain their senses of humor despite all of this has made things much easier. And I'm really grateful for that.

I'm so thankful that we can sit and laugh together, have fun together, just be together. I wouldn't trade a moment of that for anything. Really, we have so much to be thankful for, I have so much to be thankful for. It's so easy to lose perspective, to get wrapped up in the here and now. But I don't want to do that. I want to maintain a heart of thankfulness, regardless of the circumstances I face. Anyway...
I'm really exhausted. I can barely keep my eyes open, and I have about 873 loads of laundry that need done. Yuck. But, my son is napping (or at least laying quietly in his crib), and I'm going to take advantage of this time and try and get some stuff done. Please continue praying for our family, for JD, for his health, attitude, for that stupid tumor to stay away... for sense of humor, for lots of laughter....

Lots and lots of laughter. If nothing else, it sure makes my days easier. :)

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