Friday, July 31, 2009

blah blah blah

Per the suggestion of my friend Jodi, instead of cleaning my house, I'm writing a blog. Okay, so maybe that wasn't exactly what she said, but the power of suggestion is powerful right now.
Or maybe, I just don't feel like cleaning.
Maybe I really feel like crying. And I don't feel like cleaning and crying at the same time. So writing wins. Ha. I'm complex today. Just ask my husband. Or don't. Either way.
I'm not on drugs. Or sleep deprived. Or caffeine deprived, even. I'm just... full of sighs. I don't know what mood you'd classify that as, though. Are you still with me? It's okay if not. This is me mostly procrastinating, and partially just how I feel. Hm.
We had a duo dr appointment today in which Corban had his 2 year well-baby check up, and Cate had her official 6 month. It wasn't well. Corban was perfect. A little smaller than I thought, but perfect. He's in the 30th percentile for height, and 50th for weight. They confirmed what I already knew about Cate- she's really small, but threw in a bunch of other hablah (yes, I just made that word up) as well. For starters, she's not really growing. At 4 months, she was 11lbs 14oz, and today, at 6.5 months, she was 12lbs 9oz. And in these two and a half months, we've added real food, two to three times a day. She's 25 1/4 inches, only 2 3/4inches bigger than when she was born almost 7 months ago. I haven't been too worried about things until now... now that the things I've been trying aren't working.
And now that I know she has a heart murmur. Something crazy like 80% of children are told they have a heart murmur, so it's not the hugest deal in the world. But I have two fairly serious heart conditions and one of my greatest fears in having children was them having them too. (I also have a heart murmur on top of the other conditions, but it's 'innocent', doesn't effect anything). The doctor said that with my history and her lack of growth, the heart murmur was enough of a concern to send us to the cardiologist. With some congenital heart defects, one of the 'signs' will be lack of growth.
I was really hoping I'd have more health concerns to worry about this month! Yes! NOT!!!!!!
So, on top of that, we also have to take her for a hip x-ray. I originally thought nothing of it, but I made the mistake of googling it and ended up in tears. One of her legs is shorter than the other, and the creases on the back of her legs are uneven. This can be indicitive of some hip dysplasia something or other. If it is that, it's really really a blessing that we found it now instead of later, but I'm really praying it's not... b/c she's be stuck in this terrible cast for two months, where she couldn't move at all. I know there's much, much, much worse things, much bigger deasl- believe me, we're living it with my brother- but still, that's my baby girl!! I can't imagine her going from crawling and sitting and moving all around, to being in this stinking cast that pinned her hips down and didn't allow any movement.
I know, I know... Do not worry about tomorrow...Cast your cares on Him, because He cares for you...Be anxious for nothing, but in everything prayer and supplication....
I know these things seem small in comparison to so many things, but I've got to be honest- they feel pretty big right now, just in the midst of everything going on. I don't feel like I can handle anything else... Could you please just pray for us? For my sweet little Cate? I'm thankful, really thankful, that these are little things, and just possibilities right now- all could be perfectly well!, but it's hard to not worry.
Anyway, siiiiiiiiiiiiigh. Seriously.
I should get to work now, while my kiddos are still sleeping. My whole point in staying home for them to nap was for me to clean. Oops. At least I got the kitchen done? I'm grasping for straws here... we're heading to Cville for the weekend since Jordan has the jr high mission trip downtown. It'll be good to see our families. REally hoping that JD feels good enough for us to hangout some.
Oh dang, there's the footsteps. Nap time is over. Day officially wasted. Shoot!!!


  1. UUUGGGG Kristen! I am overwhelmed to hear all of this news too! I am sorry that you had to get that report today and that it is uncertain right now what God will see fit to put on your plate for the future, but I know and you know He is soverign and IN COMPLETE CONTROL. My "little girl" has been our biggest burden physically too and I see some of the same things in my other "little girl" and I am sinking in my seat just thinking about it. I WILL PRAY! Fervently that God sees fit to guide you through this with Him as your strength and that you will gain more of HIM through it!!!

  2. Cate is too precious for anything to be wrong with her. I'm fighting off the tears and really focusing on the positives here - because "we", we just can't do anything else - you know.... The old saying comes to mind that God won't give us anything more than we can handle. WE've been pressed pretty hard - especially lately - BUT you and I both know - He's the one with the big plan. It's all under control. He's a loving God and although I feel pretty weak these days - He's the one who is strong - and daily I remind myself that.... and you will too! Our baby Cate, she's going to be OK..... Loving you all so deeply - - - - - Mom

  3. Praying for all of you. We've been through a couple of rough, tough things with our kids when they were little--heart murmers, surgery right after birth, "failure to thrive"--none of them were fun. All of them brought glory to God.
    It's hard to offer our little ones over to God's will when that will seems so scary and uncertain. Just remember that it was God who formed her inward parts and since that is the case, He is intimately involved with the details of her life. He has given her just the right mama to lead her to Jesus and He is right now equipping you with the strength and grace you need. Again, praying for you...

  4. Of course, so I'm glad I'm sitting in a tucked away, inconspicuous spot at Starbucks, because people would have to wonder what was wrong with the slightly pregnant - or is that chubby? - girl crying silent tears in the corner.
    I am so sorry, Kristen, about Baby Cate. The things I wanted to say have already been said in other comments, but I wholly agree with them. I will be praying for sweet Cate, and you.
    Lots of love.

  5. Brian has a heart murmur too! Glad you blogged. Glad I am finally commenting! I love keeping up with you through your blog. thanks for being vulnerable!


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