oh the wait...

So it's 8:10 p.m. on December 29th.
If you would've asked me about dinner time yesterday, I might've been convinced I'd have a baby in my arms by now.
If you would've asked me at 4 a.m. this morning, I would've told you I would definitely have a baby in my arms by tonight.
If you would've spoken to me at 7 a.m. when my contractions had stopped and I was mad at the world, I might've bitten your head off.
If you would've asked me mid-day today, I probably would've said we'd at least be at the hospital by now.

But here I sit. At home. On my couch.
bah humbug.

(If you're male, you may want to skip this paragraph. You've been warned.)
My appointment yesterday proved that my body is indeed preparing for birth. I was over 2 cm. dilated and 50% effaced, (I was a fingertip the week prior), and my cervix had moved from posterior position to anterior, ready to drop this baby out. The doctor stripped my membranes and I went mall walking (also known as shopping to those not pregnant) and I had lots of cramping and spotting the remainder of the day. I woke up at 4 a.m. to contractions 5 minutes apart and dreaming of the little one that would soon be in my arms. I woke back up furious at 7:30 and incredibly uncomfortable from the UTI that suddenly is back attacking my insides. I laid miserable most of the day, unsure of what was pregnancy and what was uti, but keeping hope that it meant I'd soon be delivering. There were a few other things that can indicate that labor is imminent taking place, but I'll spare you the details. We just finished dinner at Bob Evans and the kids are in Cville with my in-laws... and here I sit, barely having contractions to speak of.

Boo and hiss. That's about all I've got to offer.
I don't mind the waiting so much as I mind the constantly thinking I'm in labor only for it to be nothing. My body  is doing things today that it's only done previously in labor, but regular contractions just aren't happening. I've been in too much pain to walk or bounce or anything else that may help because of the UTI (that seems to be moving yet again to my kidney). It would be as ideal as it could get for me to go into labor tonight, with the kids gone for the evening and everyone still off of work. But, well... I certainly won't be holding my breath.

Aren't I just overflowing with optimism tonight??!
:)

I hope the next time I post it will be to introduce our little one. 

Any guesses on boy or girl? Size? Arrival date?

Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!!

And I hope to be updating SOON!

follower

 I'd had my camera packed up, battery charged just waiting for the hospital for days now... and I couldn't take it any longer.

I followed my kiddos around all afternoon, camera in my hands.

Here you have Corban and Cate... being Corban and Cate.

:)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

Man, I love being a mama.

end

The end of pregnancy and myself have a long history of disagreeing with one another.
The first time around, my regular contractions started at 33 weeks, and ended with a miserable induction.
The second time around, ditto to the contractions, but with a better delivery story, even though it was still planned.
This time?
I've had a day or two with an hour of regular contractions, but now... now that the end is oh-so-near and my impatience growing by the second?
Nada. Zilch. Nothing.
Okay, fine... not really nothing. I'll have a contraction. One that stops me in my tracks,even. I'll glance at my watch to see the time, just in case this is the start of labor... and then twenty minutes later, still nothing, not another one in sight.

It's making me crazy.

You realize how much you enjoy control when you have absolutely none. Can I get an amen?

I want SO BADLY... more than you can ever imagine, to have that 'real' birth experience. I want the excitement of the spontaneity, the 'oh my gosh, it's finally time! we have to get to the hospital!' moment. I want to send text messages to our best friends saying 'we're on our way to the hospital to have the baby'.... not 'we'll be going in tomorrow morning for them to break my water.'
I know this baby will be born. And it'll even be soon! My due date is 12 days away. That's not that long, really. I know God has a time planned and ordained for this little one to make its appearance... I know these things.
But I also know that Christmas is on Saturday. And that my mother in law is off of work the next two weeks, and my mom and husband are off all of next week. If you want to talk about ideal timing, we're looking at it. Couldn't be more perfect, actually.
So........ seriously- I need to have this baby ASAP.
I'm trying really hard to not let myself be cranky and miserable. Busying our days, lots planned, tons of fun activities all week long. My front room is full of both gendered baby stuff, a brand new(!!) car seat, 4 brand new baby boy newborn outfits, 4 brand new baby girl outfits (thanks, Mom!!), camera bag packed and ready, hospital bag packed and ready, 'Big Brother' and 'Big Sister' shirts laid out for Corban and Cate. Everything is in place and ready to go.
It's now just 'hurry up and wait'...
and I'm just not very good at that.
So.. yes. 12 days 'til my due date.
Never have I gone early, and yet here I sit... anxiously waiting.
So ready to meet this little one.
Ho hum.
My little boy is now up from his nap... while my little girl still hasn't even fallen asleep. Time to go.

third

We've passed the half-way mark of December, Christmas just over a week away... which means... 

there's a baby coming soon.

I'm overwhelmed.

I'm thrilled, overjoyed, anxious... 

but the reality of it scares me to death.

Three. 

Three kiddos. The oldest- three and a half. The middle- nearly two and as strong willed and spirited as they come. If it were just the middle alone, my days could be hard... but now... there will be three to take care of.

Being this pregnant and having just two, the thought of most 'normal' activities exhausts me. It's so much work to tie all the shoes and find all the gloves and buckle all the straps and remember cups and blankies. 

And now... 

we add a third.

Will I really be able to do this?

I know.. I know it'll be fine. One day we'll work into a new normal and it'll seem as if this little one has always been here and I'll laugh at myself thinking it was hard with 'just' two.

But today- I'm overwhelmed by the thought.

Don't get me wrong. I'm SO ready to meet this little one, to see if my suspicion is correct, if this really is another little girl, to see who they look like and if they're a content little baby like their siblings were, to watch this little life melt our hearts and intertwine perfectly into our family, as if they've always been with us...

I can't wait for that. 

It'll be good. It'll be fine. I know it will.

I will survive...

Right?

Anyway. The two who are here are both out of their beds not napping, and the laundry isn't folding itself, either, so I've got some work to do.

:)

(I really am thrilled about this baby, I hope you hear me... Just the honest thoughts of a mom who feels scared and nervous and afraid that she'll never leave the walls of her house again. That's all.)

so they say...

  

"Hey Mom! I want the baby to pop out right now...

Well.... but maybe we could eat lunch first!"

and then shouts his sister from the seat in front of him,

 "Yeah, like pizza!"

 "Hey Mama, where my paci, you know?"

"I'm not sure, Cate, wherever you put it last."

"Um... I fink Baby Jesus took it."

(as she looks under the Christmas tree at our Fisher Price nativity scene.)

  Just in case you needed something to smile about today...

=)

a blanket for our baby!

After an almost 8 month shelving, I dusted off my sewing machine...

and I remembered how much I love to sew.

  

I know it looks a little masculine right now... gender neutral is SO hard- but I made the most perfect little fabric flower that I'll hand stitch onto the turquoise block if this baby is indeed a girl. :)

The top part is mostly seersucker, and the bottom is that amazingly soft 'minky' fabric. It's the perfect size and weight and feel and I love it.

Today's project (after finishing Christmas shopping that is): burp cloths.

I also purchased long sleeved white onesies and a fleece pram for this little one. Things are starting to feel ready!! I am getting SO excited!

Happy Friday!

teensy scare

My appointment yesterday left me a little worried.
As I've mentioned, I go for weekly Biophysical Profiles (BPP's) to monitor my baby. The last month, I've noticed in these ultrasounds that my fluid levels have dropped. They weren't alarmed- said it happens as the baby grows. Yesterday, however, there was only fluid in 2 of the 4 pockets that they have to measure... my number indicating that there's very little fluid there. My ultrasound tech, Colleen, left me on the table while she brought the doctor in. My stomach was in knots and my thoughts were many. Obviously- I was concerned about what this meant for the baby, but the reality of 'I'm having a baby and it could be any time!' hit hard.
The doctor thought that there was more fluid there than the numbers were indicating,thankfully, though it was definitely decreased in amount. They're bringing me back in a few days to remeasure. The encouraging thing is that the baby looks fantastic- it got an 8 out of 8 on it's BPP, and then they checked a few extra things after realizing the low fluid, and everything looked perfect, as good as could be.
I hesitated on whether to even mention all of this... but I'd really appreciate it if you guys could just pray... Pray for wisdom for the doctors and for us, and that the baby would continue to look so good.
An amazing little tidbit- Colleen (the ultrasound tech) told me yesterday, before the fluid stuff, that it was amazing that I was there almost 37 weeks pregnant... because my blood clot at the beginning was the largest that she's seen. God has kept and protected this baby despite tremendous odds being against it. I'm resting in knowing that. :)
Now, today... I'm in cleaning mode. And then sewing mode. I've got to get things ready. Pressure is on. Wish me luck (and energy to do so!) :)

potty training/when the boys are away...

It was a big day in our house...

The last few days, Cate has been vetoing diapers. No, seriously. Won't keep them on. Cries when I put them on her, sneaks them off every time I turn around. This would be a problem, except... well, the girl WILL go potty on the potty.

Time to potty train, huh?

So today, instead of fighting her, I just put her in her panties from the moment she was up. 

And for three hours, she stayed dry. 

I took her potty twice and she went, and the third time, she took herself. As in, went into the bathroom, climbed on her little potty, came out yelling, "Yay, Cate! I potty!", and sure enough, she had.

I put her in a diaper to run errands and then for a nap. 

After nap (which she apparently removed the diaper before falling asleep, thus drenching all blankets in crib), I put her back in undies and she pretty quickly had an accident. I figured the morning was a fluke, so I just threw on a diaper and was calling it a day. (Reminder: kidney infection, 9 months pregnant)

Twenty minutes later, she tells me in a panic that she 'needs to potty on duh potty', so I tell her to go. She runs (literally) there, takes off her diaper and comes out hollering that she 'poot!'. Sure enough, she had. I put her back in panties, and lo and behold she stays dry and takes herself until going to bed at 8 p.m.

And I didn't take any pain medicine today, so this is reality, I'm not hallucinating.(that's a joke, btw. I mean, I didn't take pain medicine, but I wasn't taking anything strong enough to make me hallucinate).

Way to go, Baby Girl!!! I'm crossing my fingers that this is a trend that continues and maybe just maybe I'll have a potty trained not-even-2 year old before baby mcg #3 makes its appearance. Woooooo!!!

----------------

So... last week was chaos and the weekend was chaos and Jordan was gone a ton. We're majorly seeing it in Corban's behavior and he's desperately wanting Daddy (and Daddy is missing his fam, too!). Jordan had a meeting to plan a winter backpacking trip tonight and decided to tote Corban along. I decided Cate and I would soak up our girl time and celebrate her amazing day by making her first ever batch of cookies. She loved it. And I loved it. And I took lots of pictures, so here ya go:

 

 and after making cookies, we started 'washing dishes'...

 

 that is... until Cate decided dumping water was more fun. So then we learned how to clean the floor:

  

Finally, the cookies were done:

 

and then, my sweet baby Cate was ready for bed. 

 There's something so precious about having a daughter...

something- lots of somethings- so precious about our daughter.

I love so much who she is becoming- that fiery, sweet, tender, wild little personality she has.

I can't believe she's just weeks, maybe days away from being a big sister. I want to soak up the time we have left with her as our baby. 

Oh Cate Taylor... so sweet to be your Mama.

----

Off to really  wash dishes now.

:)

ouch!

alternately entitled:

third trimester kidney infections stink.

My day = miserable.

I was up every couple of hours for the third night in a row due to what appeared to be a UTI... I used to get them fairly regularly and could just flush 'em out with lots of liquid.

Not the case this time.

4 a.m. rolled around with a miserable pain and I was up for the day from then on.

I anxiously awaited 8 a.m. so I could call my doctor. They told me to come in, and quickly diagnosed me with a 'major infection'. I was sent over to get a kidney ultrasound to rule out stones and some other condition with a long name, and sent home with an antibiotic and a pill that's supposed to numb my insides.

Long story short, nothing did anything to alleviate any of my pain. I was just laying in my bed, just crying a good portion of the afternoon. Finally, I called the doctor back and we ended up deciding on some pain medicine. I laid in bed (still) for the next several hours, and then came and laid down on the floor and read books with my little boy. The pain medicine seemed to take the edge off, at least, and I'm really really glad for that. I don't know if I'd ever been in such lasting pain. 'Twas not fun.

Jacob, our housemate, was a lifesaver today. He watched the kids for me while I went to the doctor and then watched a movie with Corban after his nap while I tried to sleep myself. AND- he just went and got us all milkshakes. I don't know which of those three things I'm most thankful for... but this strawberry shake tastes a little like heaven must. :)

Lastly... my husband is playing video games and singing, "My name is Kimbo Slice and you all fear me." 

That's right, folks.

Always a reason to laugh over here. Even when it makes you feel like there's a knife being stuck into your right side when you do. Wouldn't want it any other way. :)

weekend review: picture post!

 We had TWO date nights this weekend. It was fantastic. :)

 Also- in case you have missed my last 900 posts, I'm now 36 weeks (and a few days) pregnant (and in serious need of windex, apparently):

 It snowed!
Cate did not like it...

 and Corban didn't want to come inside.

 We had our youth group Christmas dinner tonight at Logan's Roadhouse. 

These are my girls Maddie and Kristen. :)

 and this is my crazy husband. (I was playing with my new flash. I have LOTS to learn).

 and these are some of our BFF's, Brandon and Wendi.
They're wonderful.
And they are moving to St. Kitts.
And I don't even like to think about that...
But you should read their blog and pray for them as they leave in 8 short weeks!!

Let's be honest here.... 

You just don't love pictures of yourself when you're nearly 9 months pregnant (and up 30 lbs in weight).

But I do have beautiful friends, and one darn good looking husband.

I got my new camera battery charger and my new flash and it has felt so good to have my camera back in my hands. Weird how much I missed it with not having it for just one week. I really really really do love taking pictures.

Speaking of which- I had one of my all-time favorite sessions this weekend, too. A beautiful family (who are wonderful friends) in the snow... it was dreamy. I will definitely be posting some of those pictures here this week, too.

We're in full-swing holiday mode and the days are flying past with the busyness. I'll have a baby in my arms before I know it! We have our women's Christmas tea at church tomorrow night and I have a Girl's Night Out with my 'mommy group' friends Thursday night, and then a family Christmas on Saturday. Pretty much looks that way until Christmas! Whoa!

...and on that note, it's time for me to sleep...

or at least try.

Adios!

another

After thinking about Corban and Cate... all they are in our lives, all they've added to our lives, 

 

how much fun it is watching them play together now, how much I love who each of them are, how I can't even imagine just one being here and not the other...

 I'm reminded again of God's perfect timing, His sovereignty.

and I'm blown away thinking that we get to do it again.

Another blessing, another miracle, another demonstration of God's goodness to us...

Another piece added to our family...

Another little one who will soon make it impossible to think that we ever lived without them, that our family was just four instead of five.

----

I can't wait to drink in that sweet newborn smell, to kiss those chubby little cheeks, inspect every little finger and tiny toe. In my ultrasound today, you could see their little mouth, shaped just like their big brothers- and my heart was overwhelmed, anxious and excited, so in love with this baby growing inside of me.

So unplanned and unexpected, but oh-so-wanted and loved. 

I can't wait to meet this baby, to finally know who it is who loves their hands in front of their face, feet in my right side, who hiccups every night as I fall asleep. I can't wait to show them to Corban and Cate, to watch them love their new sibling. I can't wait to see Corban play the big brother- again- but now as a big kid instead of a baby himself. I am so looking forward to seeing Cate love and nurture- the same way she does her baby dolls and teddy bears. 

So much anticipation... so much joy... so much to be thankful for.

"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good..." 

(psalm 136:1)