I want to be a blogger. I do.
A good one. With followers and comments.
I want to inspire people with the things I write, point them to Jesus, sort out the thousands of things running through my head, share what's going on in my heart.
But more so, I want to be a good mom and I want to be a good wife. I want to be a good homemaker. And right now... I'm trying to find balance. Most to all of those roles have been tremendously neglected as of late... part due to life circumstances and part due to... well, negligence, but it's time to right the wrong. So while I'm learning, working, prioritizing, this may continue to be neglected. But don't give up on me!
Jordan's caulking our new shower, the kids are in bed, and the dishes are patiently waiting in the sink, and here I am, showing you what I've been up to, what exactly I'm working on.
You want to know?!
How about this:
Those were made, from scratch, by ME! Whoa!
Okay, fine, I'll admit it... They look a whole lot better photographed than they did eaten. But still- I used yeast! to cook! and my kitchenaid mixer! I let dough rise over night! And made icing from scratch! (tired of the exclamations yet??) Anyway, cooking is an area I'm working on. The cinnamon rolls were a for-fun thing for our Mommy's group we have, but I have planned menus and tried some really interesting new and packed-full-of-nutrition recipes. And I've enjoyed it. A lot.
And then there's this:
You see that? That's a BOW. In Cate's hair!
Okay, fine...so maybe I'm not working on styling my daughter's mane and I just wanted to show off that teeny-tiny 6 stranded pony tail on top of her head. Cute though, right?!
But we have done this:and this:
all on the first of December. We played outside, without coats and hats, in central Indiana. Crazy, huh?!
Really though, honestly, seriously... It's an incredible privilege for me to be able to stay home with my kids. I haven't acted as though it is and have abused what I've been given. I've wasted a lot of time in front of the computer. I've treated my kids as though they were a bother or an interruption because I was staring at the monitor. Man oh man, did I have it backwards, you know?! My babies won't be babies for long. In the blink of an eye Cate will be where Corban is and Corban will be in school and I'll be wondering where my time went and why I thought facebook was important in the first place... I can't have that. I've seen so personally that life is but a vapor...and I don't want to waste the time I'm given. This can wait, can wait for moments like right now, when everyone is in bed. But it doesn't get my Corban's time anymore. Okay? Okay.
In addition to that... I'm really blessed that my kids take synchronized 2+ hour nap times, but when you've neglected your house like I have.. ayeyeyeye... it takes awhile to catch up. My house, our home... it's important. I want it to be welcoming, comfortable to any and all, and a sanctuary for my husband. But it takes work to get to that... work beyond picking out fun new paint colors and dreaming up new window coverings. I want my home to shout 'relax'... not 'the housekeeper has been relaxing'. My husband works hard so I can stay home; it's the least I can do for him, you know?! And I'll admit- this is much harder for me to work on than giving the kids my attention.. but it's necessary and worth it.
Thirdly, lastly... there's a lot of junk in my heart that I need to allow the Lord to work through. This week has been eye-opening for me, just God revealing the walls I've put up and what it'll take to break them down. But if I don't do it... it would detrimental. I see it already hindering me, bitterness taking root. It's got to go. I definitely will be sharing more of that in the days/weeks/months to come, I'm sure, but for right now-that's all. Jordan's done working upstairs, and I'm ready to relax with my permanent boyfriend (as he says).
Until next time...