Some days are so hard. Yesterday was one of them. Today continues to be. I just miss JD. It doesn't seem right, doesn't seem fair that just one year ago I was writing this, praising God for a clear MRI, saying it will be a merry Christmas indeed. And look, now, this Christmas...
My heart is broken.
Grief is a hard, lonely road.
I listened to several families share their heartbreak yesterday. I listened to them smile through their tears as they recounted their little girl's smile or passion for living or bravery as they battled their illness. I watched men cry, missing their baby even six years later. I watched guards come down as mother's opened their hearts, knowing they were safe here, in the company of those who can understand their hurt. I watched and I partook. I grieved with them for their losses, too. I wished that I could do something to erase their heartbreak... I still wish I could do something.
It is hard. It is so hard to lose someone who you love so much, would do anything for, enjoy tremendously. It's hard to consider what would've been, what could've been, how my babies will be without an uncle... how my parents are without a son... how I'm without a little brother. This grief... it is consuming at times. How does living without him ever get easier? I heard stories of hope yesterday, though... we will get through this. No, we will never stop missing him, never stop feeling a hole where he once was, but the days will get easier.
Can I challenge you today?
There are so many people hurting right now, living situations very similar to ours. Maybe it was a dad, a brother, a best friend. Maybe it was 15 years ago... but I promise you, the hurt is still there. Could you step outside of your comfort zone... and let them know that you still remember? That you'll be praying for them as they endure another holiday without their loved one? I know... they haven't forgotten. You will not offend them by offering your support. I pray in Christmas's to come that the same will be offered us, and that I, too, will have the strength to do so for others.
It's easy to accept pseudo-smiles. It's easy to leave things alone for fear of tears. But it's worth it to take a chance and be that shoulder to lean on just when it was needed.
Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.