Monday, December 14, 2009

romans 12:15

Some days are so hard. Yesterday was one of them. Today continues to be. I just miss JD. It doesn't seem right, doesn't seem fair that just one year ago I was writing this, praising God for a clear MRI, saying it will be a merry Christmas indeed. And look, now, this Christmas...
My heart is broken.
Grief is a hard, lonely road.
I listened to several families share their heartbreak yesterday. I listened to them smile through their tears as they recounted their little girl's smile or passion for living or bravery as they battled their illness. I watched men cry, missing their baby even six years later. I watched guards come down as mother's opened their hearts, knowing they were safe here, in the company of those who can understand their hurt. I watched and I partook. I grieved with them for their losses, too. I wished that I could do something to erase their heartbreak... I still wish I could do something.
It is hard. It is so hard to lose someone who you love so much, would do anything for, enjoy tremendously. It's hard to consider what would've been, what could've been, how my babies will be without an uncle... how my parents are without a son... how I'm without a little brother. This grief... it is consuming at times. How does living without him ever get easier? I heard stories of hope yesterday, though... we will get through this. No, we will never stop missing him, never stop feeling a hole where he once was, but the days will get easier.
Can I challenge you today?
There are so many people hurting right now, living situations very similar to ours. Maybe it was a dad, a brother, a best friend. Maybe it was 15 years ago... but I promise you, the hurt is still there. Could you step outside of your comfort zone... and let them know that you still remember? That you'll be praying for them as they endure another holiday without their loved one? I know... they haven't forgotten. You will not offend them by offering your support. I pray in Christmas's to come that the same will be offered us, and that I, too, will have the strength to do so for others.
It's easy to accept pseudo-smiles. It's easy to leave things alone for fear of tears. But it's worth it to take a chance and be that shoulder to lean on just when it was needed.

Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.


  1. Yes, I think I will take you up on this challenge. I got a phone call just the other day from the Mom of one of my childhood friends who passed away when we were in high school. I so badly wanted to say how much I still miss him and think of him at certain times. But I didn't want to be inappropriate or stir up old wounds. But this has been just the inspiration I needed to let her know. Thanks.

  2. Thanks for continuing to be real. I am so sorry your heart is hurting. I won't bother with saying something nice . . . because it would sound cliche. But I will continue to pray for you and your family. Additionally, keep writing out your feelings and how you are working through this. Speaking it out really helps.

  3. Really, that was me . . . jodi who wrote that comment.

  4. My heart aches for you and your family. I will ask God to keep you on my mind so that I can uplift you all in prayer as we go through this Christmas season. I appreciate you sharing your heart. It touches me.

  5. Kristen~ Thanks for this post. I took your advice and sent a note to my ex-fiance's (who passed away 5.5 years ago) mom today letting her know that I remember him often and was blessed greatly by him. I am always a little afraid to talk about him to her b/c I know it is a place of deep hurt especially now that I have a family of my own now. She wrote me back a few minutes ago to say that the note made her day and blessed her heart. Thanks for the encouragement to bless others!!
    I hope you have a very Merry Christmas, filled with joy and Thanksgiving for our Savior! Serah


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