Monday, September 28, 2009

broken record

I'm so bad at blogging these days. My words are many, but most of them the same.
My heart hurts.
I'm overwhelmed.
I miss my kids.
I miss my brother. Oh how badly I miss my brother.
It's been a week since he last spoke a word... many more days since a real conversation. I would give anything for him to open those big baby blues and tell me my mint gum stinks or call me 'bunkbed'. This is the most difficult thing I've faced, and honestly... I can't imagine much harder. It seems that each passing day gets harder and I feel darn near breaking point. I just miss him so much. But at the same time, I am thankful that I can curl up next to the hospital bed, kiss his cheek, hold his hand... read him the many, many cards being sent, quietly sing when the room is mostly empty, swab that dry mouth, put lotion on his hands. I'm thankful to hear him sigh, see him scrunch up his face. It's funny how life changes, how perspective changes, how love changes. If nothing else, I see myself changing and the Lord working in new ways in so many people. That's good, right?
It barely touches the sting though.

Anyway... I love this fall weather. It makes me want to run, but I'm just too wiped out. I am loving busting out the hoodies and on a crazy hunt for some stinking shoes that I can wear socks with that aren't boots or tennis shoes. I'm averaging a pumpkin spice latte a day and man-oh-man, do I love that. It was cold enough to add an extra blanket to my bed last night, and I sleep so well (typically, anyway) snuggled under lots of blankets. I love this time of year!

Does anyone want to come rip out our shower, repair the piping, etc./kitchen ceiling and install a new tub and surround? No? Dang. That's next on our URGENT to do list. I'm not talking about the master bath of death, either. Bummer.

Ummm.... my brain is done. That's all for now. Goodnight.


  1. Kristen~
    I deleted my blog and all the blogs I read along with it, but I'm still reading yours. Just wanted to let you know.
    Also, I admire you so much. Your faith in God is certainly inspiring to me, not just when I read. I think about how trivial my problems are in comparison to yours many times during the day, and it reminds me to not only pray, but that if you can have such faith, I should too.
    I had a pumpkin spice latte yesterday...I couldn't help it. The day was just too perfect, I was out walking all my errands. Good substitute if Starbucks is getting expensive - make coffee at home and use the pumpkin spice creamer, the refrigerated kind. It's really amazing, I am buying some today.
    If you need me to come by, watch your children, clean your house, just let me know. I'm decent with bathroom work but I'll leave that to the boys. ;)

  2. So good to hear your voice! Enjoy your coffee. Glad you are able to be with your brother. I'm so sorry this is so tough!

  3. Kristen, you don't know me, I have been talking about you with my daughter, Kristin (same name huh?) Vallaly, a close friend of Cale's and Brandon's. We have talked about how amazingly honest and strong you are and I truly admire that. I am so sorry you are going through this horrible time...God will see you through...He has been there for me and my family with the loss of my husband and I can truly say that I have put alot on HIM to carry me on. There is no other way. I just wanted to drop a line and say that you and your family are in my prayers and thoughts constantly. Take care of yourself and those wonderful babies.

    In God's Love,

    Cindy Tomey

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  5. kristen,
    i know there aren't sufficient words to help comfort you right now and i won't pretend to begin to know what to say except that i'm thinking about you constantly and praying as i do. i love you, friend, and i'm sorry that i can't be around to clean your house and make lunch for your kids and bring a pumpkin spiced latte to the hospital to you. wish i was there to pop in and give you a hug. hang in there, kristen. God is certainly using your faith and the faith of your family to transform lives. thanks for being an example of faithfulness and strength to me.



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