I know... I spend an awful lot of time talking about my kiddos on here- but I'm a stay at home mom who loves her job more than anything... what do you expect?! :) Tonight, though... my heart is overwhelmed with gratitude. It's 12:30 a.m. and under normal circumstances I would be long time sleeping, but I drank a latte (thanks to our housemates' recent employment a la buck of stars) at 8 p.m. and my brain just wasn't ready to settle down. After laying in bed tossing and turning for 30 minutes, I decided that instead of just thinking about my monstrous to-do list, I'd get up and actually DO something. For the last forty minutes, I conquered Mount Saint Laundry that had overtaken our sitting room, and as I moved from chair to futon placing clothes in their appropriate stacks, I noticed a little something that that sweet boy of mine had done tonight.
It's part of our nightly routine to read a story from the Bible that Jordan read as a young boy. The kids are quick to remind us and quickly settle onto their Daddy's lap when it's time. Tonight, though, Corban kept telling us to hold on or to read without him. He had found a bag of clothes that someone had given us, and had started to dig through them when a sweatshirt sporting balls of all sorts caught his eye. Jordan had told him to put them back because it was time to read the Bible and time for bed. I'd heard him say something about 'making Mommy happy' and folding clothes, but I wasn't sure what was going on. He eventually came and listened to the story and I thought nothing of it until I was nearly done with my million loads of clean clothes.
There sat in the middle of the room a perfectly folded stack of six or seven shirts, piled right next to a half-empty bag of clothes.
He had been pulling the clothes out of the sack and folding them neatly for his Mama.
That little boy... he amazes me daily. I can't believe we've been given such a sweet, precious gift to raise and watch grow. I can't believe that he is the way is, despite my many shortcomings as a Mom, despite the long year we had. He is a helper at his core. He likes order and routine. He lights up at the first words of praise and rewards you with a smile that will melt your heart. He's an encourager. He loves to give, to assist, to clean- and I love those things about him. He's got the most inquisitive mind, and while at times it's exhausting, I can't get enough of hearing his little brain process and connect thoughts and ideas.
I'm just reminded and in a fresh awe of what a privilege it is to be a mother. I am so thankful that God has so blessed me, that we have Corban and Cate, that they're made the way they are. There were many, many days over the last year that I'd wished for calmness, that I'd wished for quiet, that I wanted still, that I wanted uninterrupted this or that. I'd let other people's comments and expectations and really, my own selfishness rule my opinion of my kids- why wouldn't mine just sit still? Why wouldn't mine be content for a quiet activity? Why wouldn't they sit on my lap while I tried to talk?- but over the course of the last few months, the Lord has totally changed my heart. Those very qualities that make them hard to handle at times are qualities that He's intentionally created them with. He gave them their strong wills... for a purpose. That extra dose of energy and curiosity... they're there for a reason. So many of the qualities that I see in both of them that can be difficult are the same qualities I see in my husband... and are the things that make him who he is, that I love so much about him, that make him perfect for his job. In seeing all of this, my whole perspective of being their Mama has changed. I want to nurture and encourage these things in them. I want help train them to use these strong personalities to be leaders, to use their strengths to point people to Jesus. I don't want to stifle them! I don't want to force them to be who they're not for my convenience, you know? I want them to know every single day how much I love being their Mom, how much I love them... exactly as they are.
I've got a long way to go, a lot of things I want to work on and change- I want to be so much more intentional about being Mama, being a wife (and that's a whole 'nother post)- but I can say in all truthfulness that I've never been grateful or more in love, more content. How sweet it is to be a wife, to be a Mama, to follow Jesus...