nora james.

Oh, you know...

 because she's the sweetest thing since Cadbury eggs.

:)

 

For real. How sweet is my baby girl?! 

Fifteen months old already.. unbelievable.

Let's see, what else?!:

I have been without a drier for a whole week and can finally resume laundry... meaning I've majorly got my work cut out for me. 

We're entering a pretty crazy busy season for us-- lots of weddings, St. Kitts planning, etc. etc. etc. BUSY. but good.

We were given a hot tub! That's noteworthy.

My big kids rarely nap anymore.

I cut bangs. I don't think I like them.

I like fires in the wood burning stove on these cold mornings/warm-ish afternoons. Perfecto.

Corban only has a month of school left. I am so looking forward to a summer with him home!

We are planning our second trip to St. Kitts-- two whole weeks this time! We'll be taking a much smaller group than last year and I am REALLY excited about it all. 

That about wraps it up. Ha! I keep thinking of things to blog about and then I set down to do it and... nothing. 

Have a great weekend!!

grace.

Today my son wants to be a cowboy when he grows up and my middle daughter a rainbow and my heart is so FULL of love and life I could burst.

God has dealt bountifully to me, has He not?

These days are passing so quickly... I watch my son pass out lunch boxes and spell h-o-r-s-e and love and fight with all he has and I fight tears... a boy. Cate with her unruly curls and wild heart, oozing joy and love from every hair on her head and pink-painted toes. Nora, with her two fingers in mouth and fist clenched tightly around mama's arm, head on my shoulder-- my littlest love, changing by the moment, telling every stranger 'eye!' as she waves, lighting up every cranny she can fit into.

I don't deserve a bit of this.

This wasn't my plan, most certainly nothing I made happen.

Oh, but the beauty of grace is that is makes life not fair (...right, Relient K?). 

The reality is-- my heart is in desperate need of change. I sit in abundance and desire more. Excess exudes from every inch of that which touches me and my flesh is still unsatisfied. I dream of bigger and better and different and more. I've had the most amazing grace showered over my life and yet I still shake my fist in anger or clench tightly onto the things that are just things... My life looks so little like the gospel.

Oh but friends,

He gives more grace.

Isn't that beautiful?

I mess up. 

Daily. 

Minute-ly even. 

I'm short with the kids and selfish with my time and look to make me life cushier instead of helping someone else simply survive. Me me me me is so much the theme of this heart... but God has dealt bountifully with me. He is faithful and just to forgive. He sees this heart and He loves me. Lavishes love on me. He gives more grace. more grace. more grace. Mercies new every morning. 

My heart is so full... 

Jesus said in John 10:10 that the enemy comes only to kill, steal, and destroy, but He (Jesus) has come that I may have life and have it to the full. 

I see- in this moment- the abundance of my life simply and only because of Jesus. Apart from Him, I can do nothing, have nothing, am nothing.  He is our Sustainer and our Rest and our Peace. You strip it all away and my life is still full because of the goodness of Jesus. Oh to rest in that truth..

He continues in John 10:11 saying that He is our good Shepherd...

Do you know how sweet that is for me? Psalm 23 has come up over and over and over again, the Lord writing those words on my heart and then today I read that my Saviour said that He is my good Shepherd, that His sheep hear His voice and He knows them (!) and they follow Him. He is my Shepherd and I want for nothing...

The Word of God is rich and it is so sweet to walk with Jesus.

Yes, ’tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just from sin and self to cease;
Just from Jesus simply taking
Life and rest, and joy and peace.
I’m so glad I learned to trust Thee,
Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend;
And I know that Thou art with me,
Wilt be with me to the end.

:)

(Not at all what I started out to write, and I'm leaving it fairly un-proof-read, but we'll just roll with it. More updates soon to come.)

yes... this:

A little food for thought on Thursday night:

"It is easy to think you have a heart for orphans on the other side of the world, but if you spend your time at home resenting the imposition your children are on you, you do not. You cannot have a heart for the gospel and a fussiness about your life at the same time. You will never make any difference there if you cannot be at peace here. You cannot have a heart for missions, but not for the people around you. A true love of the gospel overflows and overpowers. It will be in everything you do, however drab, however simple, however repetitive."

(taken from this article.)

and this, from this article: 

Live the gospel in the things that no one sees. Sacrifice for your children in places that only they will know about. Put their value ahead of yours. Grow them up in the clean air of gospel living. Your testimony to the gospel in the little details of your life is more valuable to them than you can imagine. If you tell them the gospel, but live to yourself, they will never believe it. Give your life for theirs every day, joyfully. Lay down pettiness. Lay down fussiness. Lay down resentment about the dishes, about the laundry, about how no one knows how hard you work.

Stop clinging to yourself and cling to the cross. There is more joy and more life and more laughter on the other side of death than you can possibly carry alone.

As the author said in the second article, my hands are full... full of good things! It is a privilege to be mama to these babies... one I far too often take all too lightly. The same author had a third post written about motherhood being application of the gospel. She concluded it saying this:

Of course, this side of heaven we will not do perfectly. Harsh words will be spoken, patience will wear thin. Frazzled mothers will act frazzled. And when this happens, our own sinfulness does not detract from the power of the gospel, it illustrates why we need it. Do not use your own mistakes as an excuse to wallow about what a bad mother you are. Repent, seek forgiveness, get it right, and move on. Believe. Be forgiven. Extend that forgiveness, that belief, that joy, to your children.

As you go about your daily transformations, set your heart on the truth. Mimic the gospel in what you do. Bring peace, bring order, bring joy, bring laughter. Bring it because it was brought to you. Give, because it was given to you. The gospel is not too big to fit into little situations. It is too big not to.

My heart is this, that, those, these quotes. More than anything, I want to demonstrate the love that has been demonstrated towards me. I want to recognize what I've been forgiven and extend the same. To exude joy because of the hope I have. To have peace and patience and gentleness be so evident in my life.
I want to love these babies well... and well will only be done through the application of the gospel.

snippets

It is our hopes that in the near-ish future our current home will become someone else's. I've been looking and hunting and reading and dreaming of what will be 'next' for months now... While there are many (many MANY) things about our current locale that I'd love to change, there ARE so many things about it that make it ours, that I love to see, that I will miss when it's no longer ours. 

These pictures by no means capture everything that make this house home, but are just a small sampling of things I do love about this house. 

 (I just bought this wood rose wreath on clearance today. I LOVE it!)

The view from the couch into the other living room. I've always, for some odd reason, loved seeing our coats hung there. It means we're here, I guess. :)

The new light fixtures in the fireplace room. There were giant medieval sconces with flicker flame bulbs when we bought the house.  (really awesome, right?!) We removed them immediately, and then had hanging wires for years. I really love what we decided on... I feel like they 'make' the room.

The play room-- visible from the kitchen and the main living room. 

We hung the twine with pictures right before Cate's first birthday and have been rotating pictures out since. This will definitely be mimicked if/when we move. 

The rug from the girls' room.

Corban's chosen closet decor. What a boy. :)

The stickers that keep the 'little' in my boy.

And the rarely revealed master bedroom...I still need to finish painting trim. And I really should've used a different lens to show how BIG this room is. The master bedroom was one of my favorite things about the house prior to us buying it. It's really sad that it's taken me until getting the house market-ready to get the room finished. Anyway, I love the wall color and my white bed and the pops of red and brown, the split level, sitting area, office area, etc. I love this room. And I love it even more when it's clean.

Will someone please come do my laundry? 

Just kidding.

:)

This is also master bedroom-- what you see when you walk into our room.

 ...and so is this. My 'office'! I also have a book shelf full of work stuff in the closets-converted-to-Nora's-room-converted-back-to-closets.

A teaser pic from our master bath remodel. I STILL have yet to finish painting. I love the dark wood floors and the barely blue-grey wall color and the crispness of the white trim. I'm hopeful to finish painting this weekend... but I've said that a time or two before. :)

From the bath vanity mirror. I really am thrilled with how our bathroom has turned out. For real!

Other house related news...because I know how exciting this is to read about (ha! Really, I know that one day I'll love looking back... as we've looked back over and over at pictures from when we first moved in, different stages in projects, etc. It's really for my documentation sake).:

-We've replaced the sliding glass door in the kitchen and have also bought one to replace the slider in the master bedroom. The seal was broken on both and had the appearance of being frosted. No good (and would not pass an inspection, according to the realtor). My kitchen FINALLY is finished (well, once the trim is up around the new door).  (Almost) Nothing undone or remaining from 1974. 

-Lots of paint touch up needs to happen. Trim, spots on walls, ceilings, etc. Lots of little work. I like painting rooms a new color because it's like an instant remodel. Touch up? for the birds. Again, though, this will finally give our house the finished look that has seemed to elude us for so long.

- My girls share a room now. It's been an amazingly easy transition and I could do backflips over my excitement for the returned closet space. :)

How's that for an exciting post?

:)

Happy weekend!

Caters is three!

 

My Cato-Potato, my sweetie girl...

THREE years old. 

I blinked, and here we are.

Never ever have I known another quite like you.

So full of spunk. All or none. Bursting with joy and life.

You, my girl, are a treasure.

A precious gift. 

So perfectly little girl. Oozing with tenderness and pink and princess. 

You are a nurturer at your core. You tell me often of your plans for 'when I'm a mommy like you...' 

You are my go-getter, my belly laugher, my let's color all day-er. 

You sing from the moment your eyes open, have an imagination that never stops, talk vividly and descriptively all day long. You love to dress up and mix and match and pretend. 

Mama loves everything about you, my girl.

 

You've changed so much this past year. 

From a toddler to a little girl. Stunningly beautiful. Wildly imaginative. A dreamer. 

As I watch you grow and change, this Mama's heart can't help but to pray. I want more than anything for you to know and trust in the love that God has for you.. baby girl, HE is love. 

And though you are indeed prettier than a princess... that matters so little. The Bible tells that beauty doesn't come from what's on the outside, but from what is inside of us-- our hearts. People might look at what's on the outside, but God looks at our hearts. It took your mama a long time to understand that, and I pray everyday that I could help you learn that simple truth.

And my baby girl-- your inside...your heart... that which makes you YOU... 

that is one of the most beautiful thing I know.

My Caters... I am so proud to be your mama. 

I love you so much!

tents

Oh, friends...

How I wish I could erase the hurt and the ache and the pain caused by that dreadful 'c' word. 

It's all around me and suddenly so fresh in my face again.

A new bride, a day shy of her two year anniversary to the  man of her dreams...now a widow.

Parents to one child, whom they cherish, treasure, lavish with love... now watching ports implanted and waiting on blood results, becoming friends with hospital staffs and sanitizing their house top to bottom in hopes of a new normal.

My heart is so heavy.

I can't help but ache for my brother. All that he endured. All that we've endured without him. 

We are nearing two and a half years, and that makes my heart so sad. It's hard to move further and further from the day we last saw him. It still feels so fresh, the details so vivid...

Do you know what I keep thinking about? A moment I've scarcely shared... so private and precious... nearly sacred in this heart... but life changing and eye opening. 

I watched my little brother take his last breath. We slowly filed out of the room to allow my parents moments to themselves, and then I came back in.

What I saw forever altered my view of life and death:

I saw JD, laying in the bed exactly as he had for the past three weeks. Dressed the same. Positioned the same. Even still hooked up to some monitors. But never ever ever in my life had I been more sure of this truth:

This body is just a tent.

Though physically his body was present... that there on the bed... was not my brother. 

It was only what housed him.

For me, there was an incredible, amazing, mind-blowing peace in that. The Bible tells us that to be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord... To be present with the Lord is to experience the fullness of joy and at his right hand pleasures forever more. Seeing firsthand the absent body and knowing what JD believed and lived his life for... there was tremendous peace in that. 

On this side of things, though... there's a great challenge. A responsibility. Never have I been more aware of the reality that this life is not all there is. Or of the reality that we're not promised another day. Or ease or health or heat in your master bedroom. How are we living? What are we living for? What do our actions- the way we spend our time, money, talents- say we are living for?

The answers to those questions, for me, are a gross distance from what I want them to be. I want my life to scream of my Savior, His death and resurrection, the precious new life offered to me... grace. I get so caught up in the things of this world-that-is-fading. I put my trust in money instead of Jehovah Jireh- the Lord will provide. I waste my energy worrying and planning and scheming, falling prey to Daniel 5:23, "and the God who holds your breath in His hand and owns all your ways, you have not glorified." My heart is all twisted up, so desperate for change, echoing that which has been prayed for months in this home, "Lord, send a revival, and let it start with me." Oh, to trust Him... to really trust Him, His goodness and love for me, His sovereignty. We've lived mountain tops and we've lived valleys and God has always, always been faithful... but yet I still wander. still doubt. still look for the here and now instead of trusting His perfect timing. 

I'm praying that this year would be one where I follow Jesus with reckless abandonment... no holds barred, take it all, this life is Yours. 

A sort of jumbled post full of my quiet afternoon heavy-hearted thoughts...

Would you please join in praying for our friends, the Millers? You can read their story here. 

and I'll leave you with a CS Lewis quote that I've found to be spot on in my own life:

“God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks to us in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: It is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world.”

The Lord bless you and keep you...
-Kristen 

recap

Eleven days into a new year...

I've made my bed for four days in a row. That is more than a combined total of like... my whole life.

Just ask my mom.

:)

I also drank nearly 90 ounces of water today. Fo' real. Camelback water bottles are my best friend. 

And on sale for $11 at Target this week. 

Certain family members of mine who have teeth and are not my husband chewed holes in the tops of my last two.

I plan to keep this one far, far, far from their little mouths. ;) 

I began a new daily devotional-- my quick fix for the morning, to tide me over until quiet time in the afternoon. It's working well for me... I knew it was the right one for this year when day one talked about living intentionally, purposefully following hard after Jesus.

I'm still looking for a workbook type book to assist in my Bible studying. I just do better with that sort of structure at this stage in the game. I'm open to suggestions... hint hint.

I still need to sit down and make a budget. I have...four days remaining before I need to have it ready.

I read the Help last week and it was excellent. Really enjoyed it.

We continued our house purge over the weekend and it is absolutely unbelievable how much we've removed from our house. Disgusting, honestly. But-- it's freeing to have it gone. It is so nice to have order and structure, a place for things to go. To not have to shove and pile to make things fit. Ah. Relief.

We celebrated our girls' birthdays this past weekend! It was fantastic-- a wonderful time with friends and family that we love so much. I'll have pictures to come, but I have my computer on overload right now, as I am moving 50 GB of pictures to my external hard drive at the moment.

Nora had her One year well baby check up this week.

A peanut! :)

19 lbs, 10 oz, 28 inches long... 25th percentile across the board.

Other than the double ear infection, all was perfect with my sweet girl.

Lastly, my time off of 'work' has ended and I am SO glad to be back at it. I really, really, really missed doing it-- and that's a good feeling. 

However, there are serious parameters in place so that I can continue enjoying it instead of being overwhelmed by it, and most importantly, so that I can do wife and mom well. 

And on that note, if I have any plans of keeping up with the kiddos tomorrow, I better head to bed.

Better posts to come soon- ha!

:)