healing begins

 

This picture is a snapshot from one of my hardest memories regarding JD. It was taken at the Tenth Avenue North concert- just 4 days before he was admitted to the hospital, one day shy of a month before he died. The pictures we have from the evening of us, with him in them... they hurt my heart. Everything about that evening hurts my heart. He wanted to be there so badly. Loud noises physically hurt him- but he insisted we sit up close. He was in the wheelchair, could barely stand. He was uncomfortable to sit, uncomfortable to walk, uncomfortable to move- but he wasn't going to miss the concert. I text him over and over as we sat there, making sure he was okay. He got frustrated with that- he just wanted to enjoy, just to be a normal kid enjoying the show. There are so many other things, other little details, but I can't go there right now. I can't.

I'm going to see Tenth Avenue North tonight. I battled back and forth on whether or not I wanted to go, whether or not I had the strength to do it. All day I've been telling myself that it's good to do hard things... JD would want me to go.

And then, I got on the Tenth Avenue North website.

They released a new song on March 2nd... the 5 month anniversary of JD's death. I had no idea they had a new song out.

Any guesses on the title?

MmHmm.

Healing Begins.

So I'm going. 

I'm doing hard things. 

And I'm allowing my heart to heal. I'm grieving the loss of something so precious to me, but I'm doing what he'd want me to do.

"This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark..."

It'll be a bittersweet night, I'm sure. My heart is aching over the memory of last time, aching that he's not here to go with me again...but I know it will be good. An evening of amazing bands, with people I love so much. Remembering JD...joining him as we both worship our God- me here on earth, him in heaven, but together in sense.