end

The end of pregnancy and myself have a long history of disagreeing with one another.
The first time around, my regular contractions started at 33 weeks, and ended with a miserable induction.
The second time around, ditto to the contractions, but with a better delivery story, even though it was still planned.
This time?
I've had a day or two with an hour of regular contractions, but now... now that the end is oh-so-near and my impatience growing by the second?
Nada. Zilch. Nothing.
Okay, fine... not really nothing. I'll have a contraction. One that stops me in my tracks,even. I'll glance at my watch to see the time, just in case this is the start of labor... and then twenty minutes later, still nothing, not another one in sight.

It's making me crazy.

You realize how much you enjoy control when you have absolutely none. Can I get an amen?

I want SO BADLY... more than you can ever imagine, to have that 'real' birth experience. I want the excitement of the spontaneity, the 'oh my gosh, it's finally time! we have to get to the hospital!' moment. I want to send text messages to our best friends saying 'we're on our way to the hospital to have the baby'.... not 'we'll be going in tomorrow morning for them to break my water.'
I know this baby will be born. And it'll even be soon! My due date is 12 days away. That's not that long, really. I know God has a time planned and ordained for this little one to make its appearance... I know these things.
But I also know that Christmas is on Saturday. And that my mother in law is off of work the next two weeks, and my mom and husband are off all of next week. If you want to talk about ideal timing, we're looking at it. Couldn't be more perfect, actually.
So........ seriously- I need to have this baby ASAP.
I'm trying really hard to not let myself be cranky and miserable. Busying our days, lots planned, tons of fun activities all week long. My front room is full of both gendered baby stuff, a brand new(!!) car seat, 4 brand new baby boy newborn outfits, 4 brand new baby girl outfits (thanks, Mom!!), camera bag packed and ready, hospital bag packed and ready, 'Big Brother' and 'Big Sister' shirts laid out for Corban and Cate. Everything is in place and ready to go.
It's now just 'hurry up and wait'...
and I'm just not very good at that.
So.. yes. 12 days 'til my due date.
Never have I gone early, and yet here I sit... anxiously waiting.
So ready to meet this little one.
Ho hum.
My little boy is now up from his nap... while my little girl still hasn't even fallen asleep. Time to go.