We are here!

Hello! I'm not sure if anyone has updated the other blog, so I just wanted to put up a quick note to let parents know that we have made it safe and sound to St. Kitts! Things went incredibly smoothly... No delays or hiccups anywhere along the way. Most amazingly- we breezed through customs. What took a loooooooong time last year only lasted minutes this year. Instead of opening and searching every bag, they opened a couple of boxes, asked a few questions, were ecstatic about the new basketballs that Jordan gave out and sent us on our way! Amazing! Thank You, Jesus!!
It's been a sweet, sweet reunion with our dear friends. It is so good to be with Brandon and Wendi and Luke and Jamie. We spent this evening unpacking and arranging, and then meeting to discuss the rules and plans for the week. Tomorrow starts nice and early with church starting at 8:30, and the afternoon will hold a prayer walk-- a chance for us to see and hear what the Lord has done for/in/through Brandon and Wendi and to pray in the areas we will be serving the next two weeks.
I am thrilled and excited about this trip. We have an awesome group of youth with us and I can't wait to see God move! We will continue to update either here or at indytoisland.org . Please be praying for our team! Thanks!!

(ps- I typed this on my phone... Sorry for the typos and lack of pictures!)

one and a half.

All of a sudden, we are at 18 months.

one and a half.

 She's the sweetest, most pleasant, happy baby girl...

still.

I think I've said that every time I've ever written about her.

She melts me with her tenderness...

She's just learned to give the sweetest hugs and to say 'love you'. She always sleeps with her owly and reminds me to 'amen' before I lay her down to sleep.

 She's busy and curious and has been deemed the raccoon... She scavengers for food and toys and the tiniest piece of fuzz you could ever find. She's an observer. She watches and imitates. She's so much an individual and it' an amazing thing to watch who Nora is unfold.

 Oh my brown-eyed baby girl....

 You are such a gift!

(I really can't believe I've only had six blog posts this whole year! I'd like to remedy that... but can't make any promises. This has been my first 'wedding season' and with that and a slew of life circumstances thrown in, I've got to be so mindful of how I spend my time! But I miss doing this and the practice of regularly writing and documenting my babies' days. So much to do, so little time, right? In the meantime, enjoy the pictures of my littlest girl!) 

picture recap

On Mother's Day, I wanted to get a picture of my sweet babies before church. 

This is the outcome:

Mmhmm. Cate has mastered the pouty lip. Corban thinks practicing kung fu on his sisters is the funnest thing ever, and Nora wants to do her own thing.

Real life, though, and so I love it.

:)

My big kids:

 We had a picnic dinner at church and walked and played and had the best day. Here's a few pictures from that:

 We then spent a few days out at my parents house, and my grandma and papaw were up from Mississippi. It was the sweetest few days and I am so thankful to be home with my babies and have the flexibility to be able to pack up and go like that! It was so so wonderful for my kiddos to get to enjoy their great grandparents. Now, if we could just convince them to move to Indiana... :)

 This week, my baby boy had his end of the year program at school. It's unbelievable to me that the school year is over and I am so thankful for how Corban has loved it. The program was the cutest thing ever and Corban was so into it! Also- Uncle Brandon and Aunt Holly made time to come and watch their nephew perform and then join us for dinner afterwards! It's been such a fun few weeks!

Isn't he so handsome?! This boy amazes me, and I am more thankful every single day to be his mama. Can I brag for a second? His class had 'character awards' on Wednesday of this week. A really awesome thing-- the teacher had selected different character qualities that best described each student. It was so sweet to hear her describe each student and to encourage them in such a way. I have been SO thrilled with Corban's experience at his (our) school thus far. Anyway- the character quality that best described my boy?

OBEDIENCE.

Do you know what that does to a mama's heart?! To hear his teacher talk about how he is quick to obey and doesn't complain, just does what's asked of him? 

I am so so so proud of this little boy. So blessed by him. So grateful for him. I can't wait, although I wish I could slow it down, to watch him to continue to grow. 

(But in the same breath... I know that outward obedience, while very good, is not the end all, you know?! I want more than anything for him to know Jesus and out of love for Him, desire to obey. I pray every day that this knowledge Corban has --(which, btw, blows my mind- the way this four year old soaks up Bible stories and Scripture)-- would transform his heart, would result in a consuming love of our Savior. )

Anyway, it's been an amazing few weeks. This recap barely scratches the surface, but I've hardly taken any pictures this month, I'm out of time to write, and I need to give  Caters my attention now. :) Computer is now..... off.

Adios!

pausing.

I've got a quiet house and it's the most perfect end-of-spring, almost-summer night. The sky is unbelievably pink and purple and orange and if still life photos moved me like pictures of people did, I'd grab my camera and capture it.

Tonight.

Today.

Do you ever wish you could do that? Capture these days? Bottle them up? I'm sitting here, stewing and chewing on this life we live, the time we spend, the way we love. 

I don't know how these days have turned to years and I'm suddenly almost seven years married and my boy is almost five. It's alarming and shocking to sit back and reflect and it stirs to me action... or non-action.. like never before.

As I am looking at this season of life and the fleeting-ness of our days, the way our seasons are shifting... no longer a house full of babies, but of kids... I want to scream, "PAUSE" or "TIME OUT!" and just sit. Linger on these days while the rest of life resumes.  

It's been a really interesting few months for me; a lot of heart-cleaning, rearranging taking place. It's good, but it's stretching. It's scary to get a clear picture of what the inside looks like... really scary when 'white wash tomb' seems an appropriate description. I can't continue on the same and I don't want to. Truthfully, more than a 'pause', I'd like a 'rewind'. But I know the Lord can redeem these days we've lost, the time that's been wasted, the tempers that were too short, the harsh words. He can-- and I know that He will. To quote C.S. Lewis, "There are far, far better things ahead than any we leave behind." Amen? amen.

You see, my whole life I've wanted to be a mom. More than anything. There was no discussion on whether I'd work or stay home... I was created for this, I knew. So black and white. And really, I thought it was easy. It was easy having a newborn who never cried and slept 8 hours straight at two weeks old. It was easy to have a second baby who slept that long straight home from the hospital. It was even easy to have two babies in diapers, one crawling and one walking at the same time. Chaos, but doable. 

But then... oh, but then.

My life got flipped upside down. 

On October 2nd, 2009, I watched my little brother breath his last breath after a long, devastating battle with cancer. I don't for a second want to pretend that the Lord was not faithful-- He was; He met me in those darkest moments in ways that forever changed me- -But there was nothing that could have prepared for me for that frightening little dance called grief. I don't remember much, but what I do isn't pretty. A mess of tears. Regular Target runs because it was a twenty minute drive each way that allowed me to cry uninterrupted. Angry outburst about nothing. There were daily trips to aimless places because I couldn't just sit. I couldn't be home. I couldn't be alone. I couldn't be still. Still equalled reality which equalled crushing grief, and so I went. Go, go, go. 

I don't know how I could have coped differently in those moments. I didn't know how to breathe, let alone run a home in the state I was in, and so I did what I could to survive. They were dark days, and they shaped the next too-many-months and lead way to unhealthy habits and an angry mama. These are hard words for me to write because I like the 'happy face' game; a Pharisee of the finest sorts. It was ugly and messy and I ache for the days that I lost with my babies. 

But then. Oh, but then...

My Redeemer has been so gracious in dealing with me. It's been slow -- I've been slow. I've wanted to hold onto the hurt and the anger. I've clung tightly to any semblance of control present in my life. I've played the part, done the right things, 'pressed on' with the best of them... but I was rotting on the inside. The last several months have been a slow un-doing of that and Jesus' grace has never seemed sweeter to this heart. I've got so far to go-- but I am so thankful to know Jesus as my Healer and my Comforter in a way that I never would have had I not walked this valley, you know?

So... Back to pausing.

Summertime is coming, and I'm tasting it's sweetness already. We've had long afternoons in our backyard, just us together... the kids making up games, running wild, hanging out with the neighbor at the fence. Naptime is optional and always delayed. Lunch is had on the porch. No schedule, no plans, just being.

It's been a long time coming and it feels so good to rest. to be still. to be home. I'm praying that these summer months are days of restoration, of rebuilding, relearning. I can't rewind, but I can change the way we do today. My days with these babies home with me are numbered... and I don't want to waste another minute. I'm so thankful for the truths found in the following verses-- the verses that carried me through the darkest of seasons, and today, offer hope for a fresh start:

"Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, 

because His compassions fail not. 

They are new every morning; 

Great is Your faithfulness." 

(Lamentations 3:22-23)

Praying you'll also find rest in those truths; that His love never ends, that there's mercy fresh every morning, that we serve a compassionate, faithful God.

The Lord bless you and keep you!

-Kristen

nora james.

Oh, you know...

 because she's the sweetest thing since Cadbury eggs.

:)

 

For real. How sweet is my baby girl?! 

Fifteen months old already.. unbelievable.

Let's see, what else?!:

I have been without a drier for a whole week and can finally resume laundry... meaning I've majorly got my work cut out for me. 

We're entering a pretty crazy busy season for us-- lots of weddings, St. Kitts planning, etc. etc. etc. BUSY. but good.

We were given a hot tub! That's noteworthy.

My big kids rarely nap anymore.

I cut bangs. I don't think I like them.

I like fires in the wood burning stove on these cold mornings/warm-ish afternoons. Perfecto.

Corban only has a month of school left. I am so looking forward to a summer with him home!

We are planning our second trip to St. Kitts-- two whole weeks this time! We'll be taking a much smaller group than last year and I am REALLY excited about it all. 

That about wraps it up. Ha! I keep thinking of things to blog about and then I set down to do it and... nothing. 

Have a great weekend!!

grace.

Today my son wants to be a cowboy when he grows up and my middle daughter a rainbow and my heart is so FULL of love and life I could burst.

God has dealt bountifully to me, has He not?

These days are passing so quickly... I watch my son pass out lunch boxes and spell h-o-r-s-e and love and fight with all he has and I fight tears... a boy. Cate with her unruly curls and wild heart, oozing joy and love from every hair on her head and pink-painted toes. Nora, with her two fingers in mouth and fist clenched tightly around mama's arm, head on my shoulder-- my littlest love, changing by the moment, telling every stranger 'eye!' as she waves, lighting up every cranny she can fit into.

I don't deserve a bit of this.

This wasn't my plan, most certainly nothing I made happen.

Oh, but the beauty of grace is that is makes life not fair (...right, Relient K?). 

The reality is-- my heart is in desperate need of change. I sit in abundance and desire more. Excess exudes from every inch of that which touches me and my flesh is still unsatisfied. I dream of bigger and better and different and more. I've had the most amazing grace showered over my life and yet I still shake my fist in anger or clench tightly onto the things that are just things... My life looks so little like the gospel.

Oh but friends,

He gives more grace.

Isn't that beautiful?

I mess up. 

Daily. 

Minute-ly even. 

I'm short with the kids and selfish with my time and look to make me life cushier instead of helping someone else simply survive. Me me me me is so much the theme of this heart... but God has dealt bountifully with me. He is faithful and just to forgive. He sees this heart and He loves me. Lavishes love on me. He gives more grace. more grace. more grace. Mercies new every morning. 

My heart is so full... 

Jesus said in John 10:10 that the enemy comes only to kill, steal, and destroy, but He (Jesus) has come that I may have life and have it to the full. 

I see- in this moment- the abundance of my life simply and only because of Jesus. Apart from Him, I can do nothing, have nothing, am nothing.  He is our Sustainer and our Rest and our Peace. You strip it all away and my life is still full because of the goodness of Jesus. Oh to rest in that truth..

He continues in John 10:11 saying that He is our good Shepherd...

Do you know how sweet that is for me? Psalm 23 has come up over and over and over again, the Lord writing those words on my heart and then today I read that my Saviour said that He is my good Shepherd, that His sheep hear His voice and He knows them (!) and they follow Him. He is my Shepherd and I want for nothing...

The Word of God is rich and it is so sweet to walk with Jesus.

Yes, ’tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just from sin and self to cease;
Just from Jesus simply taking
Life and rest, and joy and peace.
I’m so glad I learned to trust Thee,
Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend;
And I know that Thou art with me,
Wilt be with me to the end.

:)

(Not at all what I started out to write, and I'm leaving it fairly un-proof-read, but we'll just roll with it. More updates soon to come.)

yes... this:

A little food for thought on Thursday night:

"It is easy to think you have a heart for orphans on the other side of the world, but if you spend your time at home resenting the imposition your children are on you, you do not. You cannot have a heart for the gospel and a fussiness about your life at the same time. You will never make any difference there if you cannot be at peace here. You cannot have a heart for missions, but not for the people around you. A true love of the gospel overflows and overpowers. It will be in everything you do, however drab, however simple, however repetitive."

(taken from this article.)

and this, from this article: 

Live the gospel in the things that no one sees. Sacrifice for your children in places that only they will know about. Put their value ahead of yours. Grow them up in the clean air of gospel living. Your testimony to the gospel in the little details of your life is more valuable to them than you can imagine. If you tell them the gospel, but live to yourself, they will never believe it. Give your life for theirs every day, joyfully. Lay down pettiness. Lay down fussiness. Lay down resentment about the dishes, about the laundry, about how no one knows how hard you work.

Stop clinging to yourself and cling to the cross. There is more joy and more life and more laughter on the other side of death than you can possibly carry alone.

As the author said in the second article, my hands are full... full of good things! It is a privilege to be mama to these babies... one I far too often take all too lightly. The same author had a third post written about motherhood being application of the gospel. She concluded it saying this:

Of course, this side of heaven we will not do perfectly. Harsh words will be spoken, patience will wear thin. Frazzled mothers will act frazzled. And when this happens, our own sinfulness does not detract from the power of the gospel, it illustrates why we need it. Do not use your own mistakes as an excuse to wallow about what a bad mother you are. Repent, seek forgiveness, get it right, and move on. Believe. Be forgiven. Extend that forgiveness, that belief, that joy, to your children.

As you go about your daily transformations, set your heart on the truth. Mimic the gospel in what you do. Bring peace, bring order, bring joy, bring laughter. Bring it because it was brought to you. Give, because it was given to you. The gospel is not too big to fit into little situations. It is too big not to.

My heart is this, that, those, these quotes. More than anything, I want to demonstrate the love that has been demonstrated towards me. I want to recognize what I've been forgiven and extend the same. To exude joy because of the hope I have. To have peace and patience and gentleness be so evident in my life.
I want to love these babies well... and well will only be done through the application of the gospel.