grace.

Today my son wants to be a cowboy when he grows up and my middle daughter a rainbow and my heart is so FULL of love and life I could burst.

God has dealt bountifully to me, has He not?

These days are passing so quickly... I watch my son pass out lunch boxes and spell h-o-r-s-e and love and fight with all he has and I fight tears... a boy. Cate with her unruly curls and wild heart, oozing joy and love from every hair on her head and pink-painted toes. Nora, with her two fingers in mouth and fist clenched tightly around mama's arm, head on my shoulder-- my littlest love, changing by the moment, telling every stranger 'eye!' as she waves, lighting up every cranny she can fit into.

I don't deserve a bit of this.

This wasn't my plan, most certainly nothing I made happen.

Oh, but the beauty of grace is that is makes life not fair (...right, Relient K?). 

The reality is-- my heart is in desperate need of change. I sit in abundance and desire more. Excess exudes from every inch of that which touches me and my flesh is still unsatisfied. I dream of bigger and better and different and more. I've had the most amazing grace showered over my life and yet I still shake my fist in anger or clench tightly onto the things that are just things... My life looks so little like the gospel.

Oh but friends,

He gives more grace.

Isn't that beautiful?

I mess up. 

Daily. 

Minute-ly even. 

I'm short with the kids and selfish with my time and look to make me life cushier instead of helping someone else simply survive. Me me me me is so much the theme of this heart... but God has dealt bountifully with me. He is faithful and just to forgive. He sees this heart and He loves me. Lavishes love on me. He gives more grace. more grace. more grace. Mercies new every morning. 

My heart is so full... 

Jesus said in John 10:10 that the enemy comes only to kill, steal, and destroy, but He (Jesus) has come that I may have life and have it to the full. 

I see- in this moment- the abundance of my life simply and only because of Jesus. Apart from Him, I can do nothing, have nothing, am nothing.  He is our Sustainer and our Rest and our Peace. You strip it all away and my life is still full because of the goodness of Jesus. Oh to rest in that truth..

He continues in John 10:11 saying that He is our good Shepherd...

Do you know how sweet that is for me? Psalm 23 has come up over and over and over again, the Lord writing those words on my heart and then today I read that my Saviour said that He is my good Shepherd, that His sheep hear His voice and He knows them (!) and they follow Him. He is my Shepherd and I want for nothing...

The Word of God is rich and it is so sweet to walk with Jesus.

Yes, ’tis sweet to trust in Jesus,
Just from sin and self to cease;
Just from Jesus simply taking
Life and rest, and joy and peace.
I’m so glad I learned to trust Thee,
Precious Jesus, Savior, Friend;
And I know that Thou art with me,
Wilt be with me to the end.

:)

(Not at all what I started out to write, and I'm leaving it fairly un-proof-read, but we'll just roll with it. More updates soon to come.)